All You Can't Leave Behind
by Mae1
Summary: Sequel to Love & Heartache. Finale posted November 20, 2001
1. Parts 1-2

Part 1

Part 1

It was a hot, humid June day. The sky was clear, moisture filled the air, and the heat of the sun blazed down on the earth. Will Krudski drove through rural Massachusetts, the only thing keeping him cool was the wind that blew against his face. It was a surreal moment for him, as the trees that surrounded the road quickly passed him by. In the distance, glimpses of the glistening lake could be seen. The place that he once called home was now so foreign to him. As an eighteen-year-old high school graduate, Will left New Rawley and never looked back. There was nothing for him here—not even his childhood friends or his family could give him reason to stay or even come back for a visit. Until now that is.

Three months had passed since Will left New York City. His bittersweet farewell from the only woman he had ever loved left him questioning everything—especially himself. He had loved Jacqueline Pratt for so long that he wondered who he was before it all came down. With Hamilton's return, Will decided that there was only one thing to do—leave. So, he packed his bags and drove away and just as he had when he left his hometown—he never looked back. Will didn't know where he was going or what he was going to do, only that it had to be anywhere but where she was. For months now, he'd traveled up and down the East Coast, as far down as Savannah, Georgia and as far north as Waterville, Maine. Stopping for days at a time, taking in the local sights, overcoming his writer's block through this sort of adventure; finding inspiration and encouragement from the everyday people he met along the way. From this, he found a kind of freedom and solace. His feelings for Jake remained, but the intense pain that was once unbearable now faded with each day.

Strangely, he was headed towards the place he thought he'd never see again. As he reached the main street, he looked around him and in doing so, noted that everything about the small town seemed unchanged. The buildings retained the same shades of paint and signs; the houses, refurbished rather than rebuilt in newer, contemporary styles. The American flag still waved high above the buildings from the flagpole. 

Then his eyes came upon a place that in the years when he lived in New Rawley, was more familiar to him than his own house—the gas station. There he saw Bella Banks, preoccupied within the station itself, totally unaware that Will was not far away. 

He pulled up to the pumps, honked the horn, and awaited her arrival. Bella dashed outside and without looking at the driver asked, "How can I help you?"

She observed the red Mustang convertible, surmising that it was another family headed to Rawley Academy for the graduation ceremony that would take place that evening. The voice that answered her query took her by complete surprise.

"Hurry up townie!" Will laughed as he got out of the car. "Is this what you call service?"

Bella shrieked with delight. He had changed since she had last seen him, but she didn't know exactly how. Somehow, he was just different. She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him firmly.

"Nice to see you too," she answered happily. "It's been forever!"

Released from her hold, he smiled at her, "So it has." 

For a while, Will scrutinized her. Her hair was still a lush, golden blond accentuating her rosy cheeks and sun-kissed complexion. Her frame was small, yet not delicate. He grinned, thinking of how this girl, who he once played with in the sandbox, had turned into a beautiful and strong woman. She couldn't compare to Jake and never would, because to Will, Bella was like a sister. A sister who, unfortunately, he'd left behind. Now, he had the chance to make it up to her—or try to at least.

"I almost forgot how much I missed you," he said finally. 

"Really? Because I haven't missed you at all," Bella replied jokingly. She really had missed him—a lot. New York City was only three hours from New Rawley, but it seemed like a million miles away. They hardly ever saw each other and when they did, it wasn't enough. Bella missed him and Jake terribly. However, she never went to New York because…Scout was there too. The uncertainty of how she would react if she ever saw him again was ample reason to stay away. 

The sound of Will's stomach growling broke her introspection. She looked at the watch on her wrist, seeing that it was well after one. "Hungry eh? Come on…let's eat. Friendly's…my treat."

"Can't resist an offer like that! Lunch at New Rawley's finest dining establishment…I'd be honored."

Bella's eyes twinkled with merriment and taking Will by the hand, led him toward the restaurant.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Jake sat in Scout's office, staring out the window, impatiently waiting for him. She eyed the clock on his desk—3:00 p.m. Scout was never late for his appointments, but today was the exception. They agreed to meet at 2:30, but he was no were to be found. She drummed her fingers on the desk in front of her and propped her elbow atop it, resting her chin on her hand. 

"Jake! Sorry about that! I missed the train," Scout exclaimed as he came in the door, gasping for air. He looked like hell—clothes disheveled, hair ruffled, dark bags circled underneath his eyes. He stood in the doorway, pausing to catch his breath.

Incredulously, Jake answered, "What's up Calhoun? You're late—you're never late! And you look as if you've been run over—twice!"

"Like I said," he explained, "I missed the train." 

"Uh huh," she retorted, unconvinced. "Let's get going secret agent man! We have a lot to do before Saturday and time is running out!" 

"Give…me…a…second."

"What did you do? Run over here? Where were you anyway?"

"Staten Island."

Confused, "Huh? What in the hell were you doing in Staten Island?"

"Visiting…a friend," he replied hesitantly.

"A friend? Since when have you had a friend that lives there?" Jake was totally perplexed by what he said. It wasn't that having a friend in Staten Island was unbelievable—the thought of Scout Calhoun, king of the Upper West Side, in Staten Island…now that was unreal.

"Since now." Jake studied him carefully. He was keeping something from her…that much she could tell. Scout was usually up front about things. When he hid something it normally meant one thing—it had to do with a girl. 

Patting him on the back, she walked out the door and said, "Ahh…I get it. Come on lover boy…you can tell me all about her in the cab."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bella and Will sat in the booth by the window—the same one that the gang would occupy whenever they were at Friendly's. They sat across from each other, half eaten burgers on their plates—cold, half eaten burgers to be exact. The two had been sitting there for more than three hours—laughing, joking, talking about nothing and everything. Will and Bella were completely relaxed with each other. The distance between them failed to trample their friendship.

"So, how was Maine? It's beautiful this time of year isn't it?" Bella questioned. "Everyone says to go there instead of the Cape. I've always wanted to but…I just never got the chance." Suddenly she seemed sad. Besides the four years she spent going to school at the University of Connecticut and her sporadic jaunts to Boston, she'd never left New Rawley. After awhile, she began to think it was her niche to live there—perpetually.

Catching the underlying melancholy in her statement, Will said, "We'll just have to go there someday soon." 

Grinning, "I'd like that."

Will glanced at the clock on the wall. _4:26. _"Whoa. I didn't know we'd been here this long."

Bella chuckled, "Maybe we should get going. We wanna get to New York before it gets too late and I still have some stuff to do."

"Okay."

They rose from their seats and walked out. When they reached the door to the station, Will stopped. Not hearing his footsteps behind her, Bella turned and asked, "You all right?"

"I was just thinking…what time does the graduation start?"

"I don't know. Five maybe? I should remember. It's the only other time of year that we get that many Beamers rolling up to fill up their tanks."

Laughing, Will rebutted, "Yeah, you'd think so."

"Why you ask?" 

"I think I need to pay a visit to an old friend."

Knowing exactly whom Will was referring to, she smiled. "Guess I'll see you later then?"

He nodded and began his way towards Rawley Academy.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Hamilton sat with his arms crossed in front of him, head down, eyes closed, falling in and out of sleep, during his subway ride home from Brooklyn. He spent the entire day there, taking shots of the borough for a photography book of New York City. Shortly after his return to the city, he landed a book deal with a sister company of _The National Geographic_. He had a couple more months until his deadline, but the summer always gave the metropolis a different feel. Unlike some of the other places he had photographed over the years, New York definitely had seasons.

The subway reached his stop, causing Hamilton to get up and make his way through the mass of people crowding the car. Carefully guarding his photo equipment, he exited the train and quickly made his way up the stairs to the street. Drops of perspiration trickled across his face, his shirt sticking to his saturated back. A ray of light hit his eyes, inducing him to squint as he rummaged through his bag for his sunglasses.

Not far from the station was their apartment. He sighed in relief upon entering his residence, for the air conditioning flowed throughout it, making it much cooler than it was outside. 

Before he even put his things down, the sound of footsteps making their way down the stairs filled his ears.

Moments later, Jake appeared and a wide smile spread across Hamilton's face. 

"Hi boy," she greeted him. "How was your day?"

Her arms around his neck, he gave her a quick kiss. "Exhausting. It's like 130 degrees out there. Lugging around that equipment all day didn't help."

Wiping beads of moisture from his forehead, she kissed him again and told him, "You're home now so you can just relax. I'll take care of everything."

She moved towards the kitchen and opened the fridge. There was nothing—absolutely nothing. "I guess we're gonna have to go out to eat," she shrugged. 

Hamilton groaned. He was so tired it was unbelievable. "I don't think I can make it out there," he whined.

Jake rejoined, "Okay you big baby! I'll run to the market." She swiftly walked to the door, picking up her purse next to Hamilton, who was now lounging on the couch. "I'll be back in a half hour." She closed the door, but a second later was back again. "Oh yeah, Scout's upstairs taking care of some things for Saturday. I'm sure he'd love your help." With that, she was gone again.

Needing to change out of his sweat stained attire, he slowly made his way up the steps. He went into their room momentarily and changed his shirt, then went across the hall to where Scout was. 

"Hey Ham," Scout said, acknowledging Hamilton's presence although his eyes remained on the computer screen in front of him. 

"Hey." Hamilton took note of the weary look in Scout's eyes. Still in his rumpled shirt and tie, Scout finally looked at him and observed Hamilton's own fatigued demeanor.

"You look like shit man. What have you been up to all day?" asked Scout.

"In Brooklyn, taking pictures for the book." Hamilton rubbed the back of his head and shot Scout a confused look. "You think I look like crap? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?"

"I've had quite a day myself."

"You have an air conditioned office and a secretary, how could you have a rough day?"

Scout remained silent and instead, fixed his stare once again on the computer screen. Hamilton glared at him, waiting for a riposte. 

Hamilton raised an eyebrow and stated satirically, "Ooooh I see…this is the part where you keep it to yourself and it all comes out when we get stranded in the middle of nowhere, forced to spend the night in an old, creepy cabin."

Scout was not amused. "Ha Ha Ha Fleming. If you must know, I was in Staten Island this afternoon."

"You? Staten Island? You gotta be joking."

"That's what Jake said."

"Well yeah! Who wouldn't say that!"

Turning serious, Scout got up from his seat and closed the open door behind Hamilton. "Ham, I'll tell you why I was there, but you have to swear not to tell Jake. Not yet at least."

The expression on his face was one of concern and curiosity. What in the world was so important that Scout didn't want Hamilton telling Jake? He told Jake everything and didn't Scout trust Jake enough to understand whatever it was he was so adamant about keeping secret? Then, Hamilton's thoughts switched gears. Was Jake keeping something from him? Had she asked Scout not to tell him about it? Now, he had to know what was on Scout's mind. Whoever or whatever it was about.

"I won't say anything. Promise."

Scout sighed and rubbed his eyes. Extending his arms towards a recliner, he offered, "I think you better sit down."


	2. Part 3

Part 3

Bella lay underneath a car, fixing a snapped cable. She had done this a plethora of times, but for some reason, today she just couldn't get it right. She'd been fiddling with it since Will left a half hour ago. She couldn't concentrate. It was a simple procedure—considering her experience—yet she was unable to get the job done. She remained underneath, stopping for a moment, wiping smudges of grease off her face.

__

Tell me where I'm

supposed to begin

an unhappy life working

some kind of dead end job

for everything you thought you had

has gone from worse to bad

She didn't know what frustrated her more—the fact that she couldn't complete the routine task or that nearly all her life, she'd been doing these routine tasks. Bella felt tears surge to her eyes, biting her lip, she fought to hold them back, but was powerless. 

She'd made so many plans, had so many dreams. Get an education, discover the world, get a real job, find true love. For awhile, it appeared as if those things were all within her reach. She got her degree, a tour of Europe was in the works, an internship in Chicago was set, and her on again-off again relationship with Sean really seemed to be working this time. Then—life stepped in. One day she was packing to go to Chicago…the next, she was buying a bus ticket to New Rawley. 

__

Lean to the side

whisper it quiet

the end is in sight to working

all night around the clock

for everything you thought you had

has gone from worse to bad

New Rawley. Epitome of small town USA. It wasn't so much that she had to give up her plans, but that she had to give up her dreams—indefinitely. What she thought would have been a couple months turned into a year and into another and another. Look what the burden of being the dependable daughter got her. Nothing. Nowhere. Just exactly where she started. 

__

But it's not my kind of scene oh yeah

footprints on the other side

remind me where I've been oh yeah

I'll watch from the other side

The tears streaked her face. They fell without ceasing, causing her to gasp for air. She couldn't take it anymore. She didn't want to. Fuck it. All this time…wasted. She was wasted. Sliding out from under the car, she got up, leaving her work incomplete, and headed upstairs. It was time—now or never.

__

Tell me where I'm

supposed to begin

move out of sight and onto

some life I'm dreaming of

for everything you thought you had

has gone from worse to bad

so I'll just wait and watch the wheels

while you're turning back

But it's not my kind of scene oh yeah

footprints on the other side

remind me where I've been oh yeah

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"WHAT?" Hamilton screamed. He felt as if his eyes were bulging out of his head, blood rushing through his veins. He knew that he had just heard what Scout said, but he didn't know if he understood what he meant.

"I know!" Scout replied. "That was my initial reaction."

Throwing his head back against the chair, he covered his face with his hands. His voice, though muffled, said, "I can't believe this."

Scout stood in front of Hamilton with his arms crossed in front of him. "And again I say…I know!"

"So that's why you went to Staten Island."

"Yup."

Putting his hands on his knees and leaning forward, "Tell me everything."

Pulling the computer chair in front of Hamilton, Scout sat down, rubbing his palms together, and started. "So this guy calls the office this morning saying he's a relative of Jake's wanting to know if he can still come to the wedding. Seeing that he was a relative and all, I let Linda put the call through. We start talking and after a couple minutes, I asked him what his name was—Philip Pratt. When I heard that…I knew…"

Hamilton interpolated, "It was Jake's dad."

Almost reluctantly, "Yeah." 

For a moment, the room was completely still. Both Scout and Hamilton fought with their thoughts. Jake's dad. After all these years, he was back. They both remembered the story that, for many years, Jake was so disinclined to tell. She was nine years old when he left—without a word, without a trace. One morning, he was just gone. Jake absolutely adored him, for he was around more often than her mother was. He had practically raised her all by himself—thus, she loved to do the things that he taught her to do—ride a bike, play sports, tinker around with video games and computers—and despised anything that her mother even remotely enjoyed doing. Pretty much anything that marked her as "Monica's daughter." His absence crushed her and deepened the divide between mother and daughter. It grew worse over the years and ultimately led to the invention of "Jake." It wasn't until she graduated high school that the wounds her mother's lack of attention and love were healed. 

Scout broke the silence by saying, "I know I should have called her first, but…I dunno. I just thought that I should check this guy out before I said anything and got her all worked up about it. So, I got an address and went out there."

He looked at Hamilton, hoping that he understood…and he did. If it had been Hamilton to had received that call, he would have done the exactly the same thing. He nodded, signaling Scout to go on.

"I spent the whole way over there thinking about what I was going to say. I had this plan…that was I was going to give him a piece of my mind. I mean, what kind of person walks out on their daughter? A daughter who loves you and reveres you! What kind of asshole does that?"

Shaking his head, Hamilton returned sadly, "A lot of assholes do that unfortunately."

"When I got there, I…I couldn't do it. I realized that what I wanted to say to him…I didn't have any right to say to him. Whatever I have to say isn't nearly as important as what Jake has to say."

"So what did you say?"

"I pretended that needed directions."

Hamilton rolled his eyes and added sarcastically, "Smooth."

"What did you want me to say? 'Hi I'm Scout, we spoke on the phone? Oh yeah…I just tracked you down and decided to come all the way out here just because I felt like it.' Now that would've been smooth. Look, it gave me enough time to get a good look around and see if he was for real."

"He actually let you in? I mean look at you," Hamilton stated, half joking.

"Do I look like a serial killer to you?"

"Weeeell…"

"It was hot outside…he offered me a seat while he went to write it down. While he was doing that, I saw something…something that definitely proved he's Jake's dad," Scout elucidated. The expression on his face was serious. "He had pictures of her…everywhere. Some by herself as a kid—I mean I've seen some of those pictures before—and a couple with him. There's no doubt in my mind that it was really him."

"Oh man," Hamilton whispered. A thousand thoughts flowed through his mind. This was for real. The man for who so long had been nothing more than a ghost or distant memory to Jake was just a subway ride away. What were they going to do? There was a wedding on Saturday—a wedding that was long overdue. There was no way this man, this man who dared to call himself her father, was going to ruin it for them. Hamilton would make sure that he would never hurt her again.


	3. Part 4

Part 4

Will stood at the gates of Rawley Academy. It was like he was fifteen again, completely in awe of the grand institution, its massive walls encompassing the grounds, its rich history floating in the air. He remained there for a moment, breathing in the fresh air, closing his eyes as he remembered all that had happened on these grounds—all that he had learned, experienced, and lived. His years at Rawley Academy were defined by moments—moments of pure joy, confusion, uncertainty, and greatness. 

He walked down the path and reached the main doors of the school. He looked at the words that hovered about the doorway.

Veritas Est Virtus.

Those words. How he remembered them well.

He entered the building and the humming of voices that he had heard from outside the doors was replaced by the ecstatic tones of Rawley's graduating seniors. The young men, dispersed throughout the hall, were dressed in their caps and gowns. Will smiled as he looked at them, recalling his own graduation. He was scared to leave this place and the people that he had grown close to, yet at the same time he felt so alive and ready to take on the world.

He weaved his route through them and to the room of someone who in his years at Rawley had become not only a father figure, but also a friend. He knocked only once when Finn answered it.

"Will Krudski? What are you doing here?" his mentor asked. He had advanced in age; a few gray hairs streaked his shorter locks. However, he exuded the same aura and presence. Finn lunged forward and hugged his former pupil, Will returning the gesture by patting him on the back. 

"I was in the neighborhood," Will returned slyly. Behind Finn he could see the clock on the wall. _4:45. _"This isn't a bad time is it?"

"Well, there is a graduation ceremony in fifteen minutes, but for you I think I can spare a couple of minutes," Finn said as he beckoned Will inside. He complied and sat on a chair directly in front of Finn.

"So what brings you here Mr. Krudski? I was beginning to think that you were avoiding this town."

"Something like that. I came for Bella. You remember her right?"

"Ahh yes, Ms. Banks. I see her sometimes when I'm in town," Finn replied. A curious countenance came over him. "Came for Bella…that's an interesting statement. Care to embellish?"

Laughing, Will explicated, "No, no…nothing like that. I'm taking her to New York. We have a wedding to attend—Jake and Hamilton's."

Finn nodded as he remembered the pair. Despite was he had witness in the showers that day, he did not see enough to know that Jake was a girl. Instead, he concluded that the two were gay. Though he confronted them about it, he agreed to keep it secret, and offered himself as a sort of confidante. Like everyone else at Rawley, Finn did not learn of Jake's secret until graduation day. 

"Mr. Fleming and Ms. Pratt," Finn said, emphasizing the Ms. "They're finally getting married. I was wondering how much longer it was going to take them to tie the knot."

Will didn't answer, rather, a pained look spread across his face. For the first time in weeks, the realization of what was going to happen that weekend was sinking in. Jake and Hamilton were getting married.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Will?" interrogated Finn, perceiving that there was more to the situation than what Will was saying. "And I know there is so you better just say it."

"It's complicated."

"I'm good at complicated."

Will sighed, "To put it simply, I'm in love with Jake."

Finn stammered, "I…Will…well…that is complicated."

"Tell me about it."

"She knows this?"

Suddenly feeling overwhelmed with emotion, "I told her…but she doesn't love me back." He was barely able to get out the words, holding back tears. He didn't want to rehash the whole drama, however, knowing Finn, he wasn't going to let it go. "She loves Hamilton…always has. I finally realized that there is one person in this world that she can't live without—and it's not me."

Finn looked at Will for a minute, his words striking at the center of him. How familiar the situation sounded to one of his own. One that he had never recovered from or forgotten. Kate.

It had been years since the affair first started—and ended—yet he still wasn't over it. Over her. He'd never loved anyone the way he loved her and was sure that he would not ever feel that way about anyone ever again. Their clandestine relationship ended after that first summer, yet the love and passion Finn felt for the dean's wife only grew over the years. He never let her go. Maybe he just didn't want to.

After a long silence, Will said, "I know that I have no right to ask you this…" Will paused, swallowing, ridding himself of his tears. "I need to know…how did you do it? How did you get over Mrs. Fleming?"

The tormented look in Will's eyes reminded Finn of his own suffering. Only a woman could do that to a man. A woman who didn't return the affection so ardently felt for her. 

Knowing that hiding the truth would only cause more pain, he replied, "I can't answer that Mr. Krudski because…I never did."

Will could do nothing but sit there, numbed by what Finn had spoken. 

He never did.

'Is that my fate too?' Will thought. 'Is this how its going to be? Loving a woman you can never have. A woman who is and was never yours to have.'

"I'm sorry Will. I wish that I could say something to make this better for you. But I can't. I'm still searching for the answers myself."

"All this time…you've been in love with her," he uttered. He felt sorry for him, he had so much to give, so much to share. Yet, the one person he wanted to share his life with was married—to the dean of Rawley Academy. Then, Will realized something. Finn was still here. After all that was said and done, he had stayed…to be close to her…as close as he could be without actually being with her.

"So that's why you didn't take that job at Duke, isn't it?"

Finn said nothing and just nodded, affirming Will's deduction. The fact that he could not be with Kate Fleming hurt. The thought of never seeing her again was even worse.

"I haven't got it all figured out. I'm not even close to it. You're probably closer to self-actualization than I am. Someone once said, 'The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.' "

Will managed a weak smile. "I think you should've followed your own advice."

"I know."

Standing up, Will said, "Thanks Finn."

The two men shook hands. They were no longer teacher and student, but equals. Today, however, it was Finn who was again teaching Will about life, as he had so many times, years ago.

"I think you have a graduation to get to."

They walked out of the room, the young men that filled the hallways just minutes before were now on their way out to the lakeside, where the ceremony would take place.

Arriving at the sight a few minutes later, Will smiled as he looked around. The scene was so familiar; as if it was just yesterday his own graduation had taken place. "God I wish I was eighteen again."

"Don't we all," Finn acceded.

The sound of the _Pomp and Circumstance_ now filled the air. The graduates began their walks down the aisles and into their seats. Turning to Will, Finn said, "That's my cue."

"I think so. See you around Finn. And thanks."

"No. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For coming here. For telling me what you told me. I've realized something today. I need to move on with my life. I need to let go."

"In that case, you're welcome."

"Goodbye Will."

With that, Finn was gone. Will watched as he traveled towards the front of the mass of people. Will turned his heels, starting for town. Reminiscing about this day eight years ago, he twisted his head, the young man that stood at the podium, giving his valedictorian address reminded him of his own self. At this moment, his speech was inaudible, for Will's own oration occupied his head. He still remembered his words—so well that he could stand in front of those people today and do it all over again. The memory of that fateful day in June was something that he had held on to for a long time. The sight of his friends sitting in front of the stage, smiling back at him, doing their best to remain stoic an unemotional in the spite of what swirled around them, in spite of what it all meant—that it was over and time to move on. To a new place, a new time…where nothing would ever be the same.

His eyes were shut tightly. Strangely, tears nestled under within his lids. Swayed by the memories that he held so dear to his heart, he opened his eyes, allowing a single tear to fall down his face. The speech was over now—the one in the present and the one that lingered in his head. Regaining his composure, Will slid his hands in his pockets and began towards town once again. The faint sound of music from the commencement could be heard as he ambled onwards. Recognizing it, his mouth formed a slight smile, his spirits lifted upon hearing the song. 

__

There are places I remember  
All my life, though some have changed  
Some for ever, not for better  
And some have gone, and some remained  
  
All these places had there moments  
With lovers and friends that I still can recall  
Some are dead and some are living  
In my life, I loved them all  
  
But of all these friends and lovers  
Still no one, compares with you  
And these memories loose their meaning,  
When I think of love as something new  
  
No I will never, ever loose affection  
For people and things that went before  
I'll often stop and think about them  
In my life, I loved you more

I know I'll never ever loose affection  
For people and things that went before  
I'll often stop to think about them  
In my life, I loved you more  
  
In my life, I loved you more


	4. Parts 5-6

"Where is he

"Where is he?" Bella wondered aloud.

It was eight o'clock and Will still hadn't returned from the school. In that time, she'd served about two dozen customers, all coming from the academy, in their expensive, posh cars, which helped defined their affluence and stature. Superficial, but true.

Bella sat on her bed in the dark. The moonlight shone through her window, casting a shadow on the bedroom floor. Next to her was a suitcase, fully packed. Her closet and drawers were completely empty. She was surprised everything fit into one case, yet not so much. It's not like she had much anyway.

A fan blew her hair about her. The night air was dank and languid. Three empty Coke bottles stood on her night table. She looked around her. What was this place? She'd been there for so long that it didn't seem real to her anymore.

She was in a sort of trance when Will's pounding footsteps on the stairs broke it.

Emerging from the dark, he asked, "Bella? What are you doing in the dark?"

"Thinking," she replied without facing him.

Will saw the full suitcase beside her and the vacuous closet and dresser. The walls were bare too. As he stepped nearer to her, he kicked something. Looking down he saw another bag, filled with frames, books, and her other belongings. Now, it was all making sense.

"You're finally leaving."

A sniffle came before she spoke. "Yeah. Finally."

Putting the luggage on the floor, he sat on the bed with her. She still stared out the window, her eyes betraying the strong front she was trying to put on. They were vulnerable and somber, worn out.

Bella looked at him, eyes willed dry. "You ready to go? Because I definitely am," her voice resolute.

He got up and took her parcel with him. He went for the door, yet Bella was inert. "I'll meet you at the car." They shared a quick look, her appreciation clear.

Running her fingers over the bed as she walked away she said, "For real this time."

She was half way out the door when she paused for a moment, taking one last look, and closed the door behind her, leaving the room in total darkness.

When she got to the car, Will had already packed their things inside. Charlie stood in front of him, shaking his hand, telling him something that was out of her earshot.

Tapping her father on the shoulder, he turned with stunned tears in his eyes. Instead of asking her to stay, he said lovingly, "Go baby. It's time."

Almost jumping on him, she embraced him tightly, her sobs now uncontrollable. "Thank you daddy. Thank you for everything."

He pulled away and looked at his daughter. Though she was not his actual flesh and blood, she was more a daughter to him than Grace ever was. He was older, and not as strong as he used to be. Knowing that he only had to say the word, she would stay with him. Care and comfort him as she always had. But this was his child. Above all else, her happiness was what mattered. Charlie knew that it was because of him she came back to New Rawley and it was because of him she had stayed—even though he never asked her to. Letting her go meant risking that would live somewhere far away from this place. It was something, for her sake, he was willing to risk. 

"I love you Bella. Be great," he choked out.

Wiping her face, she made her way to the car door. She and Will both went for the driver's seat, but Bella demanded, "Let me."

He adhered to her request and sprinted to the other side, hopping over the door and into the passenger seat. Bella started the car, buckled her seat belt, and placed her hands on the wheel. Letting out a loud sigh, she looked at Charlie and smiled. "I love you Dad."

"I love you too."

Focusing her gaze at the road, she pressed on the gas and drove away. The top of the car still was still down. It was dark, the main street illuminated by a few streetlights. Bella glanced at the buildings one last time. The wind blowing in her, she reveled in the feeling, empowered by it. "Goodbye New Rawley," she said as the town passed by them. "So long."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Scout sat in the living room, his stomach full from the enormous and satisfying meal Jake had prepared for them that evening. The television was on and though Scout stared at the screen, he had no idea what was going on. Jake and Hamilton had left to watch a movie and offered Scout to come along, but tonight, he just didn't want to feel like a third wheel.

Ever since Will left three months ago, he'd felt that way. A lot. He spent more and more time with the two of them, helping out with wedding preparations. Even when he was with his friends, he felt alone…distant…out of place. It's not like they made him feel that way, but he did. People in love never intend to shut people out, but they do. Especially when they are busy planning a wedding. So rather than feeling like the odd man out while he was with his friends, he opted to feel like he was all by himself by actually being alone. 

He didn't know what it was, but lately, more than ever, the feeling of loneliness swept over him. It had been years since his last relationship, ending with his actress girlfriend, Anna, cheating on him. It should've hurt, but oddly, it didn't. Not at all. 

Nothing hurt him these days, he seemed oblivious to it all. For a long time, he didn't know why he felt the way he did. Maybe because no one and nothing hurt him as much as SHE had. As much as Bella had.

Bella. Why did she always come to mind? No matter how long it had been since they left each other, she still lingered in his head. He wasn't in love with her anymore…or was he? The memory of her—the way she moved, her smile, the way she looked at the world…the way she made him feel—was so real, so fresh in his mind. How could he feel so strongly about someone he wasn't in love with? But then again, how could he be in love with someone who had so ruthlessly toyed with his heart, someone who he hadn't seen in eight years? How could this be love?

In the corner of his eye, he could see a small, red light blinking on a table nearby. The answering machine. Someone had left a message. Getting up, he took a couple of steps, and reached for the play button. 

Through the crackling static, Will's voice resounded through the room. "Jake, Ham…it's Will. Bella and I are on our way to New York. Should be there no later than one. Don't wait up. We'll let ourselves in. See ya then."

Leaning against the wall, he banged his against it and uttered, "Great. Just great."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Bella and Will were ten miles from Manhattan when Will awoke from the deep slumber he had fallen into not longer after they left New Rawley. He moaned softly as he did this, stretching his arms and legs in opposing directions, eyes opening sluggishly. 

"Hey sleepy head," Bella laughed. "Have a nice nap?"

Still half asleep, "Sure. Whatever you say."

"We're almost there."

"Good," answered Will, not sounding too enthused.

"Well don't sound too excited about it!"

"I just don't know how I'm going to react to seeing her…to seeing them after all this time."

"It's only been three months."

"Still."

"I know," Bella replied. She did know because in just a little while, she'd be facing the same sort of confrontation with Scout. 

"Damn. I'm sorry Bella. I totally forgot about…" Will responded, detecting the underlying meaning of her statement.

She cut him off, "Its okay Will. No apology necessary."

A moment of silence lay between them. Bella stretched for the radio and turned it on. She'd sat in silence for too long and ironically, now that Will was awake, she wanted to do anything but talk—particularly about the looming reunion.

__

Sleepless nights and endless days  
And all I do is promise to change my ways  
Leave the lights on, you know I'll pretend you're on you're way  
You used to say that there's a time we all deserve to lose our minds  
So I lost my mind now I'm ready to find my way 

Back home  
Today  
To stay  
The way you wished I would  
And I swear  
To stay  
The way you wished I would 

"So we're just not gonna talk about this?" Will asked. "Is that the plan here? Look Bella, I know you'd like nothing more than to avoid this whole situation, but it's going to happen. You can't fight it."

"For now I can."

"You're not even slightly nervous?"

Giving up, she sighed, "More than slightly. I'm petrified." She bit her bottom lip, pondering for a second. "I really don't know how I'm going to do this without…without acting like a total idiot."

"Bella…"

"I'm still in love with the guy. After all this time, after everything we've put each other through, I still love him. I broke his heart, Will. I can't imagine him ever forgiving me for that."

Will could not believe what he was about to say. "Look at Jake and Ham. They worked it out. Look at them now."

"That's different. They're different. Will, can we just drop it?"

"All right. If that's what you want."

__

I don't know if I'm gonna have to redesign my mind  
But tonight I made a wish and I sure hope that it comes true  
Cause it's been too long without you  
It's been too long 

Come home  
Today  
To stay  
The way you wished I would  
And I swear  
To stay  
The way I wish you would 

At that, Will ceased his pestering. He looked at the clock. It was now a half past midnight. As they drove off the Brooklyn Bridge and onto the island, Bella was overwhelmed by the sight of the city—twinkling lights of the skyscrapers, the vast number of taxis and cars that packed the avenues, people lingering on the sidewalks. She continued to drive, agape, eyes filled with astonishment. 

"So this is New York City."

"Magnificent isn't it?" Will voiced, not so much asking than making a statement. "There's no place like it. No place like home."

Still awe-struck, "It's beautiful."

They drove in silence for some time as both of them took in what being here all meant. Yes, they were back for Jake and Hamilton's wedding, but there was more to it than that. Though Bella refused to speak of it, she and Will understood each other perfectly. 

__

I don't know if I can wait this long  
To be what I used to be  
And I don't think I can wait much longer  
For the tide to come back to me  
Come back to me 

Back home  
Today  
To stay  
The way I wish you would  
And I swear  
To stay  
The way I wish you would  
The way I wish you would 

"Turn here," Will directed when they reached the corner of Canal and Greene. Bella followed and made a right. A few minutes later, Will pointed at their apartment building. "There it is." She searched for a parking space and fortunately, there was a spot right in front of the building. Once they parked, Will jumped over the door, grabbed the stuff in the back, and headed for the entrance.

Bella stood behind Will, trembling, even though it was not cold. 'Come on Bella. You can do this,' she thought to herself. 

He turned and asked, "Ready?"

"Even if I'm not, you're still gonna make me go in there, aren't you?"

"You got that right." Will put his weight against the revolving door. "What are you worrying about anyways? It's only Hamilton and Jake. Scout has his own place."

Letting out a sigh of relief, "Well when you put it that way…I'm ready."

Up the elevator and down the hall, Bella and Will stayed quiet, not wanting to wake up any of the other residents. On arriving at the door of the flat, he already had the key in his hand, routinely put it in the lock, unlocking it.

They tip toed in, shutting the door gently. Will set the bags down and tapped on a small lamp. 

"Wow," Bella exclaimed at seeing the uncommonly large apartment. "This place is huge."

"Seems that way at first. You get used to it. Soon, it won't seem so big."

"That's what you think. You're talking to someone who's lived above a gas station her whole life."

"Oh I forgot—pump girl!" he exclaimed. She punched him on the shoulder; he was still laughing, but grabbed his arm in pain.

"I'm starved. You want anything?" he inquired as he traveled in the direction of the kitchen. 

"No I'm fine. Just sleepy."

Will peered into the open refrigerator and told Bella, "Just go up. When you get up the stairs make a left. That's my room. Go ahead and sleep there, I'll stay on the couch. And I won't take 'no' for an answer. Just get some rest."

"Good night Will." Bella snatched her suitcase and took it up with her. The door was ajar and she could see that the room was entirely black. She crept in and situated her stuff on the ground. Far too tired to rummage through her things for sleep wear, she undressed, leaving her only in her undergarments. It was still dark and Bella felt her way to the bed. 

She pulled off the covers and placed herself inside. Lying back, her head up to the ceiling, she closed her eyes and covered her body with the sheets. 

Uncomfortable in the position she was in, she shifted over to her side, stretching her arm over. However, instead of landing on empty space, it rested on something—on someone.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Bella screeched at the top of her lungs. A muffled noise came from the body, the bedspread rustling as the startled individual moved. Jumping out of the bed she yelled hysterically, "Oh my god! Oh my god!"

At that instant, she heard a click and light filled the room. Still, screaming, she saw who had caused her panic. There stood Scout Calhoun, in nothing but his boxers, looking quite flustered and alarmed.

"Scout?"

"Bella?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" they asked at the same time. 

For a beat, they stood there, both still in complete shock, recovering from their strange encounter. 

Oh my god.

"Bella! Bella!" Will shouted as he rushed up the stairs and into the room. 

Soon, Hamilton, dressed only in boxers and Jake, clad in a wife beater and panties, were there too, worried casts on their faces. Bella and Scout looked at the other three, standing just past the door way, also stunned at the sight before them. 

"OH…MY…GOD!" Hamilton burst out. His expression said it all.


	5. Part 7

It was not yet sunrise when Hamilton rose from bed

It was not yet sunrise when Hamilton rose from bed. He had only slept for less than three hours because after the excitement that came with Bella and Will's arrival just hours before, the five friends stayed up for a couple hours catching up with one another, before they retired to bed. Through the split in the curtains, Hamilton could see the daylight slowly breaking through, a slight yellow light filling the air. The sunset was easier to see from their room than the sunrise, so Hamilton decided that he would wake his fiancee and go up to the roof to see the aurora.

__

Find me here

Speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you 

You are the light

That is leading me

To the place

Where I find peace

Again

He shifted to his side to start her up, and as he gazed her, he was taken in by her quiet beauty and tranquility as she slumbered. Instead of waking her, he simply hovered over her, his head propped up on his elbow, and admired her, smiling at the thought that by Saturday evening, they would be husband and wife. 

Husband and wife.

How good it sounded to say that.

__

You are the strength

That keeps me walking

You are the hope

That keeps me trusting

You are the life 

To my soul

You are my purpose

You are everything

After what had happened two years ago, Hamilton wasn't sure that things between them could ever be the same. Luckily, upon his return to New York, the two were able to rekindle their intense, complex, but beautiful relationship. He was apprehensive about proposing to her so soon after his homecoming, yet something inside told him that the timing was right; that they were right. 

Hamilton traced her face with his fingers. The feel of her on his fingertips sent shivers down his spine. She always did that to him. Always. It amazed him how much he loved her. How much he felt every time he looked at her. How much she made the world seem right whenever she was around. He loved her. Body. Heart. Soul. All of her. And she loved him. If the world crashed down around them, as long as they had each other, nothing else mattered. afterglow

__

How can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you

Would you tell me 

How could it be

Any better than this

He placed his hand on the side of her face and kissed her on the lips. He smiled as she began to stir, Jake's eyes gradually opening at the sensation of Hamilton's kiss. When she finally awoke, the sight of his endless blue eyes filled her vision. She reached her hand up to his face, smiled, and whispered, "Good morning."

Kissing her once more, he answered ethereally, "Every morning with you is a good morning."

"Why are you up so soon? The sun's not even up yet," her voice still a little groggy.

"Just thinking about how much I love you."

"I love you too."

__

You calm the storms 

You give me rest

You take me in your hands

You won't let me fall

You still my heart

And you take my breath away

Would you take me in

Would you take me deeper now

They looked at each other for a moment, staring deep into each other's eyes. All they could see was each other and the deep love that they shared. This is how it was meant to be. Forever.

Finally, Hamilton got up from the bed and took Jake by the hand. "Let's go watch the sunrise."

Rising up, Jake replied, "I'd love nothing more."

__

'Cause you're all I want

You are all I need 

You are everything

Everything

You're all I want

You're all I need 

You're everything

Everything

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Scout lay awake on the sofa. He heard Hamilton and Jake come down the stairs and leave the apartment, but did not bother acknowledging them. He just lay stretched out on the couch, pretending to be in a sound sleep. Truth is, he hadn't slept a wink. 

He had that strange morning after feeling. The morning after what? Nothing had happened. Nothing except that he had seen Bella. Not only had seen Bella, but he'd SEEN Bella.

He laughed when he thought of what happened. The frightened look on Bella's face, the shrieks that came from her as she jumped out of the bed. Oh man. If only he could have taken a picture of that moment.

Classic.

He was surprised himself. However, the shock of a stranger in the bed with him wasn't as shocking as who the person was. 

They stood there, in their underwear, staring at each other, until Will, Hamilton, and Jake came in. They laughed it off later, but Scout could tell that Bella was quite flustered over the whole thing. The five of them convened in the living room to "talk" but it was more of a four way conversation—without him in it.

He stayed uncharacteristically quiet, speaking only when spoken to. 

Jake and Hamilton bombarded Will and Bella with questions, about what they had been up to since the last time they'd seen each other. They listened intently as Will recounted his various experiences that he had during his road trip, the new script he'd just finished, and the short visit he had with his parents on his way from Rawley Academy to the gas station. 

Bella's stories were more like anecdotes about the people in New Rawley rather than anything about herself specifically. Though Scout was reticent, he listened to every word she said. He stared at her the entire time, looking away when he thought she caught his stare. He couldn't help it. She was incredible, 

luminous, and sublime. Just as he remembered her.

It was two thirty when they decided to get some rest. It wasn't until then that Scout spoke to her and still, it was a brief exchange.

"I'll sleep on the couch. You and Will can share the bed."

"Are you sure? You were there first."

"No, I'm fine. I'd go home, but it's late and I don't want to get into a cab at this hour, all the way uptown."

"Okay. Good night."

"'Night."

He replayed the scene in his head. It wasn't that he couldn't go home. Some small part of him wanted to stay there, just so that he could see her in the morning. 'You are pathetic,' he thought. 'What the hell is happening to you?'

He shot up from the couch and was taken aback when he saw Bella standing not too far away. 

"Hi," she greeted him.

"Hi."

They looked at each other uncomfortably, waiting for someone to say something. 

"Why are you up so early?" they inquired at the same instant.

Scout reverted, "You know, we really have to stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Saying the exact same thing at the exact same time."

"Oh. Well, what ARE you doing up?"

"I uhh…always wake up this early," he lied, hoping Bella wouldn't see straight through him.

"Oh."

"What are you doing up?"

She lied too. "I'm hungry." 

Scout retorted jokingly, "That's Ham's line."

Bella giggled and her uneasiness dwindled a bit. A beat later, Jake and Hamilton entered the apartment, a couple of brown paper bags and coffees in their hands. Just then, Will came down the stairs, appearing haggard yet alert. 

"And I thought I was the only one up," Will remarked at seeing the other four.

"Ditto," they all answered. 

Scout shot Bella a knowing glance and laughed. "All right, let's eat."


	6. Part 8

Part 8

Part 8

"Wow Jake…you look…beautiful," Bella gasped as Jake came out of the dressing room. 

"Really?"

"Yes. Really."

Bella stood up from the chair she was sitting in and approached Jake. She looked radiant. The white fabric of the gown formed around her body, showing off her figure, fitting in all the right places. It showed off her toned arms and shoulders, and her skin, which seemed to glow around the dress. It was almost like her body was part of the design. It was simple, yet exquisite—just like her.

"You think Hamilton will like it?"

Bella smiled, "Like it? He'll love it. He loves you."

Jake stepped up on the circular platform as the seamstress made some final adjustments. She sighed and tugged at the ends of her hair. It was short again, a little longer than it was when she first met Hamilton, 

but definitely styled in a more feminine manner. 

"Well, that would be good considering I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him."

Jake looked down at Bella, sensing that there was something was bothering her. She hadn't said anything to indicate that there was something amiss. That was just it. Besides talking about the wedding, Bella hadn't really said anything at all.

"You don't like your dress? We can always get another," Jake offered, secretly hoping that the dress was the worst of Bella's troubles. 

She shook her head in dissent. "No, the dress is great," she said unenthusiastically.

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bella…please," Jake pleaded, looking her friend straight in the eyes. "Please."

The seamstress finished working on Jake's gown and directed her to remove it. As she did, she continued to stare at Bella, waiting for some kind of rejoinder.

She retreated to the dressing room for a few minutes and upon her return, sat next to Bella on the chair. Bella's hands were clasped together, her chin down as she twiddled her thumbs. 

"You know it wouldn't hurt to tell me what's going on with you. I am your friend. I can help, or try to."

"Jake…it's…now isn't the time to talk about this. I mean with the wedding and everything. I just don't want to burden you with my petty little problems."

Jake placed her hand on Bella's shoulder and assured her, "Bell, no problem is petty or little. I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself since you got here."

Her eyes were still cast down as Jake spoke. There was no reaction from her—none whatsoever—not even a slight movement of her body. She'd seen this look before. Hell, she'd had this look before. That lovesick, 'I don't want to talk about it because it hurts too much' look. In the last few conversations Jake had with Bella before she came to New York, there was no mention of such a man who could have possibly rendered Bella's dire state. In fact, up until her arrival, she seemed to be perfectly fine. But then, there was her unusual quietness during breakfast this morning, and her reticent manner whenever they were all together—especially after the events of the previous night. Then, it dawned on her. 

Knowing that she had come to the right conclusion, Jake whispered, "This is about Scout, isn't it?"

Finally lifting her head, she sighed, "Is it that obvious?"

"It is…" Jake trailed off. "And it isn't. Instincts remember?"

Laughing a bit, "Yeah, I remember."

"You wanna tell me what's going on or am I going to have to ask Scout?"

"No…Scout h-he…he doesn't know. About me. About this. About how I feel."

"Maybe you should tell him then," Suddenly realizing how long Bella had been keeping her affection clandestine, Jake said compassionately, "This must be killing you. You have to tell him."

"Tell him. After eight years, just tell him. Tell him that I lied to him. That I pretended not be in love with him when the truth of it all is I loved him so much it hurt. It still does."

"All the more reason say something."

"I can't. I just can't."

"Why? What's standing in your way?"

"I am."

"I don't follow."

"The fear, the thought that he doesn't feel the same way. It's easier to pretend that I don't love him than to say that I really do."

It pained Jake to see her friend in such turmoil. It hurt her even more when she realized that what Bella was going through right now was the same thing Will had endured for all those years. He had kept it all to himself and the outcome of his revelation was the same one Bella feared—rejection. 

"This can't be easy for you."

"It isn't and it hasn't been. But…" she paused, biting her bottom lip. "I survived."

I survived. De ja vu. Those were the same words she'd spoken to Hamilton just three months before, as they sat in the airport waiting for his flight to board; the flight that eventually brought him back to New York and back to Jake. 

"You survived, but you never let go. Not for a second. I can see that part clearly."

"Jake, I'm not ready to say anything just yet."

Standing up, she answered, "Just yet? I think eight years has been sufficient amount of time to mull this over. Just tell him. What have you got to lose?"

Bella, now up as well, replied softly, "Everything."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"Do I look good or what?" Scout asked as he emerged from behind a standing divider, adorned in a tuxedo. 

Though they tried hard not to laugh, Hamilton and Will could not contain themselves. It's not that he looked bad, but he was having way too much fun modeling off his suit for his friends.

"What?" Scout questioned when no reply came. "Jealous?"

This just caused them to laugh even harder. Will was practically tearing when he answered sarcastically, "Oh yeah. Totally."

Calming down a bit, Hamilton added, "It looks great. Now could you hurry up and change? We still gotta hit a few places before the rehearsal."

"Okay okay. Just give me a minute," he said as he moved behind the divider. A second later, he popped his head out, "But I looked good right?"

Simultaneously, they responded, "Yes!"

Scout smiled and reverted behind the wall, leaving Will and Hamilton alone for what was probably only the second time since Will's return.

"So…" Will started.

"So…" 

Neither of them knew what to say. It was like they did not know how to act around each other anymore. Come tomorrow, Will's best friend would become Hamilton's wife. Not only his best friend, but the woman he had been in love with for as long as he could remember. 

Silence replaced their laughter. Will glanced at Hamilton, whose face betrayed his thought. From the expression on his face, it was obvious that there was something on his mind—something gravely serious—for Will never saw that look on Hamilton before, only when it was something deeply troubling.

Before Will could say anything, Hamilton abruptly announced, "Jake's dad wants to come to the wedding."

Will's jaw dropped. "Her dad? Jake's dad? Does she know about this?"

"Not yet. I don't think it's a good time to tell her."

"And when would be a good time Ham? When he asks if he can walk her down the aisle?"

"Will, I really don't know what to do about this. I didn't even talk to him—Scout did."

"Scout? Why Scout?"

Upon hearing his name, Scout came out and chimed in, "Because he knew that if he had called Jake or Hamilton, they would've probably hung up. Whereas calling me, her agent, would have been…"

"The safe bet," Will finished. "The easiest way to get to go to the wedding without having to deal with an ugly confrontation beforehand."

"Exactly."

"That doesn't mean there isn't going to be an ugly confrontation," Hamilton quickly added, looking from Scout to Will. "What am I going to do? There is no way I can tell Jake without getting her upset. I don't want to ruin tomorrow for her, but I can't keep the truth from her either."

Comforting Hamilton was the last thing Will ever thought he'd do. He loved Jake too much, too much to prevent her from having eternal happiness. However, he also had too much pride to admit to himself that Hamilton was that eternal happiness. He knew it was true, yet it was just too hard to say it. And it was that same pride that hindered Will from being the best friend he could be to Hamilton—the kind of friend he used to be.

"There's nothing else you can do. You gotta tell her. Tonight."

Hamilton shot Will an "Are you sure?" look. "Yeah. Tonight," Will said. 

Hamilton, though still perturbed by the feelings Will gravitated towards Jake, accepted Will's solution. Oddly, he found confidence in Will's deduction, not only because he was Jake's best friend; it was also because he loved Jake and it was that love that made him want the best for her—just as Hamilton did. 

The two looked at each other for a second, some sort of unspoken dialogue running between them. They just understood. And in that moment, the awkwardness and tension that had built up between them began to fade. 

"Well that's settled," Scout declared, smiling at the bonding moment he had just witnessed. 


	7. Part 9

Part 9

Part 9

Hamilton and Jake stood at the altar of the old, elegant church, staring deeply and lovingly into each other's eyes. Hamilton held Jake's hands in front of him, grasping them tightly, as if to say, 'I'm never letting you go.' They smiled at one another, knowing exactly what the other person was thinking. 

I want my life to be with you.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," declared the aged, stoic priest who stood before them. 

Hamilton wasted no time and leaned in, when a coughing sound from the priest interrupted them. "This is just rehearsal Mr. Fleming, but I think you get the point. Let's save the fireworks for tomorrow shall we?"

His comments got a resounding laugh out of all in attendance, including Bella, Scout, and Will, who stood at the altar next to the couple. Hamilton said nothing and blushed even more than he naturally did, smiling sheepishly. Jake laughed at his abashment, thinking to herself how cute he looked whenever that happened. 

"Well, I think we're all set. You all know what you are doing, so I have every reason to believe things will go smoothly. No need to worry," the clergyman assured them, pointedly looking at Jake. "Most brides are nervous wrecks the day before the wedding. However, you seem to be the exception, Jacqueline."

"Thank you," Jake replied, but it was all an act. She was not having second doubts, nor was she worried that the ceremony would not go as planned. There was this nagging feeling within her that would not let her go. A feeling that something unexpected was going to happen. And not necessarily something good.

"Should we get going?" Hamilton questioned Jake, observing her silence. He saw something, only for a moment…a moment in which fear and urgency filled her eyes. It was enough to indicate to him that though she was all right on the surface, something deeper brewed inside. He pulled closer to her and whispered in her ear, "Are you all right baby?"

Snapping out of a momentary trance, Jake shook her head. "Uhh…y-yeah. I'm starved."

Hamilton wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple. Leading her towards the church's huge double doors, he looked back at the others, a tinge of uncertainty lacing his face. Will detected this, as well as the inner perturbation Jake was experiencing. He just stared back at Hamilton, nodding silently to indicate to him that he understood.

Scout saw this too and in an effort to distract the others from some sort of strange melancholy, he ran to the exit and announced hastily, "I'll get the cab." He turned back and smiled, getting one in return from Bella.

Before he could do anything else, he fell to the floor, tripping on the leg of a table that lay in his path. As his face remained flat on the floor, the uncontrollable laughter of the others sounded throughout the church. Scout laughed too. 'I wanted to distract them, didn't I?'

He pushed himself off of the floor and on to his feet, a little red with embarrassment. He was too abashed to face them, but the sweetness of Bella's laugh crept in his ear. Her hand on his shoulder, she cracked, "Good job Master C. Good one!"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _

It was almost nine when Hamilton arose from his seat at the front of the dining room, tapping his champagne glass to get the attention of the guests. It didn't take long for the room to come to a complete stand still; no one uttered a word as they waited for him to speak.

"It's been quite a ride," he said, looking down at Jake, who smiled back at him, "but it's not over yet. Tomorrow, Jake and I will begin the first day of the rest of our lives together. We are very grateful and honored that you all will share in our special day."

A few cheers came from the guests, mostly family and friends, who made up the wedding party. His parents sat at a table right in front of his and Jake's, his mother looking happier than he'd ever seen her. She'd been waiting for this day too. Her little Munchie was finally going to be a married man. He was so happy, that came through bright and clear. And his happiness was all she ever wanted for him. 

"I know I'm supposed to save all of the really romantic and tear-worthy stuff for tomorrow. But I have to say that right now…I am the happiest and luckiest man alive. I'm not only going to marry the love of my life, but my best friend. Who ever thought that an act of rebellion would ultimately lead to all of this?" Hamilton asked, getting some laughter as a response. His stare again focused on his beloved, his sideways smirk adorning his lips. "I love you Jacqueline."

This brought a collective "awe" from the diners, and kiss between Jake and Hamilton. It was short, but sweet, their foreheads remaining pressed against each other, eyes opened. Jake never got tired of that…his intense blue eyes burning into hers—seeing straight to the heart of her and making her feel like no one else ever could. He made her feel alive. Whenever they were together, she felt it.

"Hey! Save some for tomorrow!" Scout yelled. 

Bella joined in, "This is only the rehearsal dinner guys…not the wedding reception!"

At this, the party goers laughed even more, prompting Hamilton and Jake to break away slowly, but only long enough for Hamilton to say, "Okay everyone. Time to dance!"

The deejay started to play some music, as Hamilton led Jake onto the dance floor. Soon, most of the others joined them, yet three remained seated—Will, Bella, and Scout. 

As Will loosened his tie he whispered to Scout, "Aren't you guys going to dance?"

"What do you mean YOU GUYS?" Scout interrogated in return. "Don't you mean…aren't WE…as in the three of us? Besides, you know I prefer dancing to slow songs."

Bella's gaze remained forward, oblivious to the conversation Will and Scout were having. Then, the fast music that had been playing for some time mellowed into a gentle melody. Will shook his head, laughing inside. Ironic.

"What are you waiting for? Ask her to dance."

"No…I don't think…"

"Do it. You know you want to."

That was no lie. He did want to. So, he rose up and offered his hand to Bella. "Let's dance."

Placing her hand in his, she stood on her feet, and followed him onto the dance floor. He gathered her in without getting too close. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment. Damn it felt good to have her in his arms.

If I'm not in love with you

What is this I'm going through tonight

And if my heart is lying then

What should I believe in

Why do I go crazy 

Every time I think about you baby

Why else do I want you like I do

If I'm not in love with you

Bella's eyes were shut too. She exhaled, her chest so tight she could barely move. "Well, this is…"

"Nice."

Bella looked at him, her eyes seemingly brighter. " I was going to say weird." After a beat, she leaned in closer and whispered, "But you're right. This is nice."

With this, Scout tightened his grasp on her waist. His heart thudded in his chest, memories swimming in his head. He'd waited eight years for this. 

Eight years. Each moment passing like an eternity.

Now, here they were. Together again. Dancing. He never knew dancing could feel this good.

__

And if I don't need your touch

Why do I miss you so much tonight

If it's just infatuation then

Why is my heart aching 

To hold you forever

Give a part of me I thought I'd never give

Again to someone I could lose

If I'm not in love with you

They moved in silence, in perfect harmony, their bodies so close together that they could feel each other's chests moving as they breathed in and out. She folded in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. In that moment, she felt closer to him than she ever had before. And she never wanted that moment to end.

__

Why in every fantasy

Do I feel your arms embracing me  
Like lovers lost in sweet desire

And why in dreams do I

Surrender like a little baby

How do I explain this feeling

Someone tell me

Will sat at the head table, watching the entire thing. Scout and Bella. So in love with each other, though neither willing to say it out loud. There was an impassible barrier that lay between them and neither was willing to be the first to try and knock it down. Without either of them knowing it, with one little dance, they were already doing that. 

__

If I'm not in love with you

What is this I'm going through tonight

And if my heart is lying then 

What should I believe in 

Why do I go crazy 

Every time I think about you baby

Why else do I want you like I do

If I'm not in love with you

The song ended, but Bella and Scout didn't stop. They just kept dancing. 


	8. Parts 10-11

It was getting late, the last few guests were all waiting for cabs to take them wherever it was they were heading

It was getting late, the last few guests were all waiting for cabs to take them wherever it was they were heading. Hamilton escorted his parents out and while his father waived for a taxi, his mother kept him occupied.

"I'll see you tomorrow Mom!" Hamilton exclaimed as he tried to pry himself from his mother's grasp.

Kate Fleming gave her son a kiss on the cheek and released him from her embrace. "Oh I know Munchie but this time tomorrow you'll be married. I'm going to have to share you with Jacqueline."

"Mom, you've been sharing me with Jake for years."

"I know I know. But after tomorrow, it won't be the same."

He hugged her again, trying to reassure her that the only thing changing was his marital status. "Don't worry. I'll still let you call me Munchie."

A moment later, a cab pulled up to the curb. "Honey, let Hamilton go. He has a big day tomorrow," Steve Fleming said as he opened the door to the car. "Good night son."

"Night Dad."

Pulling away from her son, Kate made her way to the cab. "I'll be over first thing in the morning."

"Mom!"

"We'll see you at the church," his father intervened. Hamilton shut the door and watched as the taxi drove away. He stayed there for a minute, hands in his pockets, staring at the street, even though the vehicle that carried his parents could no longer be seen. 

He was so lucky to have parents like he did. Two people who devoted their entire lives to him—selflessly, unconditionally, totally. They had their good and bad times, as all parents and children do, but they always came out stronger and closer because of the things they went through. Because they went through them together—as a family.

Lucky. Lucky to have both a mother and a father who cared for him. Who stuck around and stood by him through it all. That's why he couldn't understand how Jake's dad could just walk out on her the way he did? Not just abandon her, but never try to contact her again. Until yesterday.

How was he going to tell her? There was no easy way to do it. He knew that it would break her to hear the words, but he couldn't keep it a secret. Philip Pratt would be at the wedding. There was no changing that now. 

He knew how'd she react. Shocked, angry, yet at the same time overjoyed. Because despite what he had done to her, Jake still loved her dad. How could she not? He was her father. There was no changing that either. 

Hamilton headed back to the dining room where Jake, Will, Bella, and Scout remained. When he entered, Will and Jake were talking at one table, while Bella and Scout were having their own conversation at another.

"You guys ready to go?" Hamilton inquired.

Jake got up without answering and made her way to him. "I was thinking that Will and I would spend some time together. After all, tomorrow is gonna be busy day and I think…well, we haven't really talked and I…I just wanna do some of that. Maybe."

She wasn't asking for his permission. When it came to her and Will, she knew that Hamilton still wasn't completely comfortable with…well, all of it. On the other hand, Jake had learned to deal with the fact that her best friend had feelings for her. She didn't ignore them, rather, realized that with time, Will would find his happiness elsewhere. And though some part of him would always love her, they would always be friends.

Hamilton appreciated Jake's effort to make him feel more at ease about Will. He couldn't keep her from spending time with him. Why would he? He trusted her. He trusted HIM. That's what friends do—trust each other. It was nice to call Will his friend again…and really mean it.

"Of course. That's a good idea."

"Okay. That's good that you think it's a good idea."

"But before you go, I gotta talk to you about something. It can't wait."

His demeanor didn't indicate that anything was wrong, but she sensed that there was. Not wanting to alert him of her observation, she took his arm and led him outside the room. They sat down on a sofa in the waiting area of the dining facility where they were out of the other's hearing range.

"So what do you have to tell me?" a touch of apprehension in her voice, "What is it that can't wait?"

Nervously, Hamilton took Jake's hands and interlocked their fingers. He focused on their hands, evading her burning gaze of concern. She was scared. Afraid of what was coming. Afraid of what Hamilton was about to say. 

He could sense that without even looking at her.

"Jake, there's no other way to say this but…"

"Oh god…" she gasped, her hold on his hand tightening.

He took a deep breath as he fidgeted with her hands, still avoiding her eyes, though he could feel the intensity in her stare.

"Oh god," she said again, her eyes glossing over due to the tears that were building up in them. 

"Your father…Jake, your dad…"

Jake could barely get out the words. She was in total confusion. "My…wha…what?" 

"Your DAD," Hamilton answered, asserting the word. He looked up at her, except now, she was not looking at him. She bit her lip and stared down at the floor, pushing back the tears that flooded her eyes.

"Your dad," he continued, "he's…"

Dead. 'Dead,' she thought to herself. What else could it be? Why else would this be "something that can't wait"? They never talked about him. SHE never talked about him. What other news could Hamilton give her about her dad except that he was dead? If that was why, it explained a whole lot about why she hadn't heard from him in 16 years. Dead. She couldn't believe it. And she didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

Tears fell mercilessly from her. She gasped for air, feeling like she couldn't breathe. She couldn't believe it. 

Seeing the tears, Hamilton lifted her head gently, took his thumb and slid it slowly across her cheek to wipe away her sobs. "Baby…I'm so sorry…"

"How? When?" she was finally able to muster. "HOW Hamilton?"

He gave her that look—that look he always threw her when he was confused. "How what Jake?" It hadn't even occurred to him that Jake might be thinking what she was. He figured that they were both on the same wavelength. Pausing a moment to rethink her question, he replied, "Scout…"

Not letting him finish, she cut in, "Scout WHAT, Hamilton?" She was freaking out. Burying her face in her hands, Jake whispered, "Oh god."

He put his hands on her face and moved in closer to her, their eyes meeting for the first time since the whole conversation began. "Scout found him—in Staten Island. That's why he was there."

"Oh god." Her mind was blank. No other words came to her. No other words could describe what she was feeling at that exact moment. 

"Jake it's going to be okay. We are going to get through this."

Frustrated, upset, heartbroken, Jake answered, "How? How Hamilton? My dad is dead! He's dead and I didn't even…I didn't even get to…" 

"DEAD?" he asked, a confused look again spreading over his face. "Jake what are you talking about?"

She was confused now too. This was no time for Hamilton to be cryptic. "Hamilton you just said that my dad…"

"He's not dead. Is that what you thought I was talking about?"

"Yes. I mean what else could you have to tell me about him?"

Sighing, "He's coming to the wedding."

Spent, Jake wrapped her arms around Hamilton and buried her head in his shoulder, with exasperated relief. "Oh god."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"Oh god," said Bella upon learning the same news that Hamilton had just delivered to Jake. She stood across Scout and Will on the dance floor, as a cleaning crew arrived to tidy up the dining room. Bella's mind wandered to her own feelings of abandonment. She knew exactly what Jake was going through considering that her own mother resurfaced after 10 years of estrangement. 

All the feelings Bella had felt when her mother reemerged came back to her now, flooding her mind with the memories of how difficult it had been for her to cope with the realization that her mother had not been out of her reach as she had once thought. Rather, she was in Carson, only a car drive away. All those years of feeling lost and deserted could have been fixed with one trip to the next town over. The ironic part of it all was that her own situation paralleled Jake's. Who would've thought that Jake's dad was living in Staten Island?

No one. Exactly. 

The three stood in the middle of the room, silent, resolutely not looking at one another. Jake and Hamilton walked in, hand in hand, and met them at the center of the dance floor.

Immediately, Bella embraced Jake. "I'm here for you," she told her. "It'll be okay."

Clutching to her friend, Jake choked back tears—tears of happiness, sadness, gratitude. "I know."

"I'm gonna get going. Big day tomorrow," Hamilton said to the others as Jake and Bella hugged. He looked at Will and added, "I'm trusting you'll see her home. She really needs you right now." There was greater meaning to Hamilton's words and it was not lost on Will. He stood there, uncertain what to say, so he just nodded. 

Hamilton hugged Jake one last time before departing, holding her so tightly that it seemed like he would never let go. She smiled as she pulled back to look at him, she mouthed, "I love you." He responded with a kiss, silently reaffirming his love. "See you at the altar," he said gently. He squeezed her hand and smiled; with that he made his way to the door. 

As Hamilton walked out, Scout deemed this as his time to do the same. "I should go too. Good night guys."

In the corner of her eye, Jake could see Scout making his way to the door. She pulled back from Bella and said softly, "I'll be fine. Just go."

Bella gave her friend a reassuring smile and ran after Scout. "Hey! Wait up!"

Scout turned around and flashed a smile. "Mind if I joined you for midnight stroll?" asked Bella when she reached him. 

"Not at all. I'd love it." Scout offered his arm to her and Bella gladly accepted it. As they exited the room, Will and Jake watched them, surmising that something monumental was going to happen between them tonight. Something that would change everything. They didn't know what it was exactly, but there was something there. Definitely.

"And we thought it was never gonna happen," Will said turning to Jake. 

"Well, it hasn't happened YET. But I'm sure it will…in due time."

"I'm sure it will."

He turned to her now, knowing exactly what she needed from him—to be her friend. She was trying so hard to be strong…not to show her vulnerability and anxiety. Will could see right through her. He always could. That's why he was her best friend. Because he could see her heart. And he knew exactly how to handle it.

"I'm not going to ask you how you're feeling because I already know. But what I am going to ask you is…how can I help?"

He extended his arm out and covered her shoulder with it. She leaned into his side and soughed. "Listen. Listen…like you always do."

"Okay." 

They took one last look around at the empty room and made their egress. As they walked through the doors of the building, Will told Jake, "I know the perfect place for listening. But we're gonna have to walk a little. You up for that?"

"I'm game. Show me the way."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"Welcome to my humble abode," Scout said as he and Bella entered his living space. However, it was by no means humble. She had been shocked at the enormity of Jake's apartment, but she was even more so at the size of Scout's loft. It was quite a lot of space, considering that only one person lived there. The vast expanse was adorned by a few pieces of furniture—a couch, table, bookcase, a desk, two standing lamps, and a television. The walls had some picture frames scattered across them and a large photograph of a coastline hung above the couch. 

She headed straight for it, her eyes locked on the beautiful site. "Wow, where is this place? It's absolutely stunning."

"You can say that again. I've never been there though."

"Mr. I've been everywhere-seen everything? That's a new one."

"Seriously huh? I've always wanted to go to Maine in the summer, but my parents always insisted on going to Cape Cod instead. I guess that's why I have a picture of it. Makes me feel like I've been there."

Bella smiled as she thought of how she too had always wanted to go to Maine. What a pleasant surprise it was to find out that Scout felt the same way. It was more than just a coincidence. It was like…a sign. Fate. Fate giving her a sign that maybe, just maybe, there was hope for them yet. 

She thought about telling him of this odd similarity, but quickly voted against it and remarked thoughtfully, "We'll just have to go there someday."

Scout stood there, trying hard not to show how moved he was by those seven words. He stepped towards her gingerly and retorted, "I'd like that."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Will and Jake sat in the balcony of the Palace Theater, the sole occupants, for it was long after the final act had been performed. As a well-renowned writer, Will had connections everywhere. Therefore, it didn't surprise Jake when he brought her to this place. In fact, she thought it was sweet. It was in that very theater that Jake made her acting debut as Viola in "Twelfth Night." 

"Thanks for bringing me here. It brings back so many good memories."

"I'm glad."

"I should be happy. I'm getting married tomorrow! So why is it that I feel so bad? I never thought I could feel this bad again. My life was just getting back on track and then this…this happens. My dad happened."

Jake kept her gaze at the stage below, pursing her lips together, eyes glistening. Will could see that she was trying to be stoic about them and it seemed like she was keeping it together. Almost.

"Listen to me. What's happening with your dad…you shouldn't let that undermine your happiness. It's a blow to find out all of this now, the night before your wedding, but you gotta deal with it. You have to."

"I'm not denying that. Its just that…I never thought I'd see him again. And now he wants back in my life, in my life! I should be furious right now, but I can't help it. I want him back in my life too. I'm willing to forgive him, but I need to know…I need to know that he's not going to do this to me again."

It was only three months ago that she had said the same thing about Hamilton. She was so frightened of the prospect of getting hurt again. Of being abandoned once more. But, she followed her gut. And her gut told her that this time…nothing would come between them ever again. In less than 24 hours, she and Hamilton would be married. If she hadn't followed her instincts, then tomorrow may never have come. 

And her gut was telling her the same thing now. When she learned of her father's planned appearance, she felt sick to the stomach. A mixture of emotions filled her head. She didn't know what to think or what to feel. But as the initial shock wore away, she began to feel only one thing—relief. Relieved that he wasn't dead as she had so falsely assumed. And relieved that they had a second chance—a chance to be father and daughter once more. 

"I've missed him so much. I've wondered about him—every night, every day. I can't count how many times I wished that one day, he would just show up at my door…apologize…promise never to go away again…and that I'd have my dad again. That never happened so I gave up hope. Now that day has come and I'm freaked out of my mind. Tell me what to do Will."

"I can't tell you what to do. You have to do whatever your heart tells you is right. The only thing I can do is be here for you. I'll always be here for you."

She hugged him, comforted in knowing that that would never change. Despite all that had happened, she could still always count on him. And he could always count on her. 

Will got on his feet, bringing her up with him. "You need your beauty sleep. Today is your big day."

There were two meanings to that and Jake knew it. "It is. It really is."


	9. Part 12

"Rocky Road or Chocolate Chip

"Rocky Road or Chocolate Chip?" Scout yelled from the kitchen.

"A scoop of both," Bella replied from her seat on the living room couch. "Make that a double scoop of both."

To that Scout answered jokingly, "And I thought Ham was a pig." He laughed to himself, "Get it…Ham…pig?"

Bella laughed too. "Ham…pig…got it!"

He came into view, with the bowls of ice cream in his hands. "Double scoops of rocky road and chocolate chip for the lady."

"Thank you kind Sir. And may I ask what you are having?" she questioned him, as she dug her spoon into the frozen dessert. 

"A SINGLE scoop of Rocky Road."

Bella, with the first spoonful already finished, just rolled her eyes at him. She continued to eat her ice cream at a rapid pace. When she finished, Scout was still having his last mouthful.

She got up and put her bowl in the sink. She turned to see the time on the microwave. _1:48._

"It's pretty late so I should…" she started as she walked back to him.

Scout stood up at this. "Get going," he finished for her, "Yeah it's almost two."

"Well then," she continued as she traveled to the door. "See you at the wedding tomorrow…right?"

"Yeah…see ya…at the wedding…tomorrow…right," Scout gulped.

He was right behind her. She knew she shouldn't have, but she turned around and in doing so, met Scout's eyes…and almost his lips. 

Neither of them knew what to say or do next. Both fighting their feelings—feelings of want and desire.

Scout wanted to kiss her—so badly. He stared at her lips…soft, delicate, and beautiful. Instinctively, he knew what he should do. But he couldn't bring himself to press his lips to hers. He knew what kissing her would mean—that he still felt something for her…something more than like…something more than friendship. He wasn't ready to go through that with her yet. Not after what had happened between them in the past. He couldn't go through that again. He just couldn't.

* * * flashback* * *

It was prom night, a night he'd been looking forward to for a long time, not because he was excited about the dance itself, but rather, who his date would be—Bella. Over a year had passed since her mother had come to town and revealed the truth about her father's paternity. Fortunately, it turned out not to be his father after all. Still, with the emergence of those facts, nothing changed between them. They stayed friends as they had always been—or better put, had always pretended to be. In spite of it all, Scout still loved Bella and he knew that. SHE knew that. But she didn't love him. At least…that's what she led everyone to believe. Everyone, including herself. Something inside her held her back from ever letting him know how she truly felt. Maybe it was pride. Maybe it was fear.

The fear that she'd hurt him. That they'd hurt each other.

Or maybe…the fear of actually feeling something—something that you only find once in a lifetime.

True love.

She reluctantly agreed to go with him, knowing that being with him there would make it harder for her to fight her feelings. She wanted to say no, but something inside her answered, "Yes." Perhaps it was that same something that knew how much she really loved him. That same something that knew, they were meant for each other.

So, they went to the prom, the handsomest couple there; Bella, the envy of every girl in attendance. They laughed, they mingled, they danced. It was a wonderful time for both of them—all the tension and anxiety that lay between them seemed gone. It was over all too quickly and somehow, they ended up back in Scout and Will's dorm room.

When they entered, Will was not there, and since Bella didn't have to be home until 3, the two decided to just hang out in the room and wait for Will. That was their excuse. They both knew that they'd come back to his room for a reason—to be alone. 

Nothing happened in the two hours Bella and Scout had been in the room. They'd enjoyed the time they spent together because most of the time, they were surrounded by all the others. 

It was 10 minutes to three when Bella rose from her place on Will's bed. "I guess I'd better get going. Don't wanna pull a Grace!"

They both laughed at the mention of her younger sister, so unlike her…so much more like…her mother. Bella was the good kid, the reliable one, the one who did the right thing. Most of the time anyway.

"Yeah, before Charlie has a heart attack."

He followed her to the door; she was walking slowly, as if she was not ready to leave. And she wasn't. She didn't want to leave him. Not now. Not ever.

She turned around quickly. "Thank you for inviting me Scout. I had a wonderful time."

He smiled, "Me too. I can't imagine having spent this night with anyone else."

"Me either."

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, completely lost in one another. They moved closer to each other, their hands touching, their lips only centimeters apart. 

She felt him take her hand and at his touch, she shuddered, the contact making her feel like an electric current was running through her body. It had been two years since they'd been this close, this intimate. Suddenly, she couldn't remember why'd she fought so hard to stay away from him. Or why she'd denied what she really felt—love. Love was all she ever felt for Scout Calhoun. And it was all she'd ever feel for him. 

All reasoning was lost. All she wanted to do was be with him. In this moment. In this life. 

Then, it happened. 

"I love you, Scout."

He couldn't believe what he'd heard. He'd waited so long for her to say those three words. Just when it seemed like that would never happen, she'd gone and said it. In saying so, everything changed. Nothing would ever be the same again. He would never be the same again. 

He closed his eyes and brushed his lips with hers. She closed her eyes too, kissing him back, passionately and deeply. He let go of her hand and put one hand on the side of her face, while the other rested on her neck. 

They continued to kiss as Scout turned her so that his back was now to the door and hers to the bed. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing their bodies closer together, as he walked her back toward his bed. 

A million thoughts raced through her head, yet the only one that came up clear was, 'I want you.'

She heaved as he trailed kisses down her neck and collarbone; his arms now traveled down to her waist. She'd never done this before, and neither had he. It was new to them and yet somehow, it seemed so familiar. As if it had happened before—in some other life, in some other time. 

The back of her knees touched his bed; they stopped there as Scout brought his lips back to hers, and placing his hands on the zipper of her dress, began to pull down on it, loosening her dress from her body. As he did this, she unbuttoned his shirt, pulling off both sides, exposing his well-toned body. 

They broke away from that kiss and examined each other, Bella's dress was now down at her ankles, leaving her only in a strapless bra and underwear. 

They smiled at one another as Scout surmised for what must have been the thousandth time how beautiful she really was. Again, he brought his lips to hers and she answered it with a hungry kiss. He couldn't believe this was happening. Nothing in his life had ever felt more real or right than this—being with her.

She stepped out of the dress and allowed him to gently push her back onto the bed. He laid down next to her, looking at her with love-filled eyes. Before moving any further, he wanted to make sure that she was as ready for this as he was.

"Bella, are you sure?" he asked tentatively.

She responded with an ear-to-ear grin. "Yes Scout. I'm sure." 

He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead. He held her face in his hands and opened his eyes, whispering, "I love you Bella. I always have. Always will."

"I know," she said sweetly.

This time, their kiss was hot and lusty. There was no turning back now. Bella started to tug at the hem of Scout's pants, still kissing him ardently, his hands moving up and down her sides. 

The sound of the door creaking caused Bella's eyes to flutter open and jump out of her delirium. She gasped as she saw the figure of Will Krudski standing in the doorway.

Stunned, "Oh…I uh…I…whoa…sorry."

Scout lifted himself from Bella and started toward Will. "It's o-okay. We were just umm…Bella and I…"

"Look, I'll just go." Embarrassed, he abruptly left, shutting the door behind him. Scout turned back to Bella, and to his surprise, she was off the bed, her dress already on, and she was putting her shoes back on.

"Bella, what are you…what are you doing?"

Catching her breath, she answered calmly, "I think I'd better be getting home. I'm late as it is."

Scout sighed, perplexed and slightly disheartened. "Uh…okay…can I walk you home at least?"

"No I'll be fine."

As before, she paused at the door and looked at him. He looked so different from the innocent boy she had met that first summer; now all grown up, that joyful innocence gone. The bliss of ignorance and the shield from the real world had crumbled around him when he was still too young to really understand. In spite of it all, at the center of him, he was the same—generous, caring, thoughtful, sincere—all the things that had made her fall in love with him and all the things that had kept her in love with him. 

"I'll call you in the morning. I'm sorry about Will… I didn't think he was…I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," she replied sweetly. "Guess it wasn't the right time, huh? We always kinda had bad timing."

"Yeah," he laughed. 

He planted a tender kiss on her lips. "Good night. I love you."

She kissed him again. "I know. I love you too."

* * *

Scout lay awake, the early morning sunlight pouring in through the window and onto his body which rested outside the blankets due to the heat that filled the room that June morn. He'd been awake for an hour and hadn't budged from his bed, nor had his stare from the ceiling. He just lay there, taking it all in, trying to figure out what the night's events all meant.

He remembered it all and smiled at the thought of what had almost happened. They'd almost had sex. Wait, it was more than just sex. It meant more than just something physical. They'd almost made love. Total cohesion of body, heart, and soul. Becoming one—in mind and in spirit. 

It didn't matter that Will had interrupted them because there was so much more meaning in that night than just the physical aspect for him. 

'I love you, Scout.'

If nothing else had happened, those words would have been enough to fulfill him for a lifetime. 

Lost in his thoughts, he barely noticed that Bella had entered the room. He stood up and looked at her—her expression was something he'd never seen before. He couldn't comprehend what it meant, but all he knew was that it scared him. 

"Morning," he said exuberantly, leaning in to kiss her.

"Hi," she responded vacantly as she let him kiss her. However, she did not return the gesture. Instead, "We need to talk."

He moved closer to her, but she only stepped back, her arms crossed in front of her. He furrowed his brow and asked, "Is something wrong?"

__

It's over

You don't need to tell me

I hope you'll be with someone 

Who makes you feel safe in your sleeping tonight

I won't kill myself trying to stay in your life

I've got no distance left to run

She plopped down on Will's bed, as Scout sat back down on his own. "Yeah, yeah there is."

Worried, he placed his hand on top of hers. "You can tell me."

She'd spent most of the night up, thinking about not the fact that they'd almost slept together, but the fact that she'd told him how she felt. That she loved him. She'd been in a blissful state that entire morning until she realized…that in those words lay her future—and his. She knew that Scout had waited what seemed like ages for her just to say that to him. Now that he had her and he knew the truth, he'd never let her go. He'd do whatever it took just to be with her—even if it meant giving up on the dreams and plans he'd made for himself. She couldn't let him do that. She wouldn't. 

She flinched and stood up. "You're not going to want to hear this, but hear it goes." 

Bella looked at him, his eyes intent on her, concern filling them. She couldn't believe what she was about to say. Yet, she couldn't NOT say it. His life depended on her telling him this and if she didn't say it now, she' d never have the courage to do it.

__

When you see me

Please turn your back and walk away

I don't wanna see you

'Cause I know the dreams that you keep

That's where we meet

When you're coming down

Think of me here

I've got no distance left to run

This was it. This was the moment. 

"I don't love you Scout."

Scout felt his heart sink to his stomach. A sharp pain pierced his side, his head spun. He'd heard what she'd just said, but it couldn't be true? Could it?

"W-what?"

Conjuring every ounce of courage and will in her body, Bella said once more, "I don't love you Scout." Bella regretted it the moment she said it. She looked at him—his face sullen, his body completely still. 

Scout just sat there…shocked, shattered…taking it in. She'd said it twice now, so she meant it. Maybe it wasn't a total shock, considering the kind of history the two of them had. Still, it felt like a body blow. 

"I…I don't accept that."

"You have to."

"How can you say that? After what happened last night? How can you stand here and tell me you don't love me?"

"Nothing happened last night, Scout."

"What are you talking about? Are you delusional? You stood here…in my room, looked me in the eyes and told me that you loved me. Then…we almost…"

"Key word—almost," she answered, the tone in her voice getting harsher at every rejoinder. She was yelling now, desperately doing her best to mask the truth. "I'm sorry but I don't know what I was thinking. I was just caught up in the moment…in the whole night. I wanted to feel something for you Scout. It's just…I don't. I realize that now and what happened last night…it was a mistake. I don't love you. That's the truth."

It tormented her to lie to him like this—to him…of all people…Scout…her one and only true love. It was too much to bear. Her agony deepened at every word, at every glance of his now sullen and joyless face. He'd been her reason for existing, she knew that now...she'd never felt such ecstacy...or such pain...than what she felt when she was with him. But the pain was taking over now...she could no longer speak...just stand there and wait...wait for it to be over. 

His sorrow cut her up inside—breaking her into a thousand pieces, leaving a void so deep—too deep to fathom. She could hardly breathe. 

Scout, numb with pain, could do nothing but look at her—lost, so lost. "Is this really happening?" he got out finally, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Bella stayed silent. She looked at him for what would be the last time. 'I'm sorry, but I can't give you what you need. So, I have to let you go,' she thought to herself, tears building. 

__

It's over

I knew it would end this way

I've got no distance left to run

Without another word or action, she left.

And he let her.

Scout began to walk to the door, but he was too broken to make it. He fell to his knees and stayed there for what seemed like and eternity. Then…the tears were upon him.

*** end flashback***

Scout stepped in closer to her, maneuvering his arm around her, turning the knob of the door and opening it. He wasn't going to let her do this to him. Not this time.

"See you at the wedding," he said curtly. 

His heart ached…and hers broke into tiny pieces.

Bella, realizing that he still wasn't over what she'd done that unforgettable morning eight years ago, replied, "Yeah, see ya."

She made her way through the door and walked down the hall, never turning back.

Had she done so, she would've seen Scout leaning against the doorframe watching her go.

__

What on earth is going on in my heart

Has it turned as cold as stone

Seems like these days I don't feel anything

Less it cuts me right down to the bone

What on earth is going on in my heart

My oh my you know it just don't stop

It's in my mind I wanna tear it up

I've tried to fight it, tried to turn it off

But it's not enough

It takes a lotta love

It takes a lotta love my friend

To keep your heart from freezing 

To push on till the end

My oh my

What on earth is going on in my head 

You know I used to be so sure

You know I used to be so definite

Thought I knew what love was for

I look around these days and I'm not sure

My oh my you know I just can't win

I burn it down it comes right back again

What kind of world is this we're living in

Where you never win 

It takes a lotta love

It takes a lotta love my friend

To keep your heart from freezing

To keep your spirit free

My oh my you know it just don't stop  
  



	10. Part 13

It was half past two when Will reached the door of the apartment

It was half past two when Will reached the door of the apartment. He rifled through his pockets for the keys, but they were nowhere to be found. 

"Shit!" he yelled loudly, forgetting the late hour and the fact that most of the neighbors were asleep. He continued to look for them, getting more frustrated with every passing moment. "Shit!"

Then, the doorknob turned and the door opened, revealing Bella on the other side. She held the keys up in her hands and smiled, "Looking for these?"

Will walked into the flat and took them from her, sighing as he sat down on the sofa. "Where'd you…?"

She sat next to him and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I forgot I had them in my purse."

He shook his head, too tired to really care. "It's all right. Lucky for me you're still up. I thought I was going to have to sleep in the hallway." 

"Lucky for you, I got home ten minutes ago."

Will looked at her, realizing that she was still in the clothes she wore when she left with Scout. Making the connection between her statement and her appearance, "You mean you were with SCOUT all this time?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So? You were alone with SCOUT, the man that you love and who you haven't seen in 8 years, and all you can say is SO?"

"There's not much else to say," she shrugged.

"You mean to tell me nothing happened?"

"Exactly that…nothing."

Observing her closely, Will retorted, "You don't have a 'nothing' face to me. Come on Bell…what happened?"

Giving in, she looked at him, exhibiting a trace of vulnerability and distress. "That's just it," she retorted softly, sounding disappointed, "Nothing happened."

Will wrapped his arm around Bella and pulled her into him. She rested her head on his shoulder and he kissed her temple, stroking her long blond hair with his hand. 

"You didn't tell him…did you?" he stated, rather than asking, for he already knew it to be true. 

"No. He's…he hasn't gotten over what I did to him. What I did…what I said…that was terrible. It's no surprise that he hasn't forgiven me."

"Bella, he doesn't know why you did what you did. It's hard to forgive someone when you don't know the reasons…their motives. Damn…I don't even know why you did it. You tell him you love him and then you just…take it back? You almost slept together…then you pretended like it didn't mean a thing. If I hadn't walked in…"

"I know how the story goes, Will."

"I'm just…Bella, to this day…I still don't understand why you told him you didn't love him. He would have given you everything because he loved you that much. You pushed him away…because you were…I don't know…scared, confused…because you were…"

She picked her head up and looked at him, holding back her tears. "Because I was what? You don't know what I was feeling. You don't know what was I was going through. You're trying to help me, but you can't. You don't know what was happening in my head or in my heart."

"Then I guess you better tell me."

* * * flashback * * *

Five hours had passed since Bella left Scout's dorm and returned home. She didn't get a wink of sleep for her thoughts kept wandering back to what had occurred not long ago. 

I told him I love him. 

I love him.

I'm in love with Scout Calhoun.

The memories of their heated make-out session kept her in a headspin; she was blissful thinking of how good it felt to have his arms around her, holding her, protecting her… protecting her from everything, all the wrong in the world, all that caused her pain or unhappiness. At least that's how she felt when he held her.

Had it really happened? She hadn't slept all night so it couldn't have been a dream. She brushed her fingers through her hair, still wet from the shower she'd taken minutes before. The curls that she'd fixed her hair in for the prom were washed out now, the damp locks a concrete reminder that it was all real. 

All of it. 

She stood in front of the mirror, brushing her hair, its golden glimmer darkened by the water that remained. Bella looked at herself; she looked like a completely different person than the one she was the night before. She felt so plain and simple without her hair fixed or make-up on. Her worn-in jeans and red tank top looked like rags compared to the lovely gown she wore to the dance. 

When she thought about the Rawley Academy Prom and all the people who had attended, she realized for the first time, how much she didn't fit in. It wasn't like the time she was Will's date to the Cotillion because she was with Will, a fellow outsider, a townie who had worked his way up to the Millionaire Boys' Club. She was Scout's date. Scout Calhoun…the epitome of what a Rawley boy was. Hell, his family had practically built the place.

As she stared at herself in the mirror, she suddenly felt so strange…out of place even. It was like she'd been playing a part that night, like she was living in a fairy tale. She was the princess and Scout was her prince charming. She charmed everyone there, she was so easy to like…so comfortable to be around. 

Now she was back again…home again…her little room above the gas station where'd she'd lived her whole life. She knew nothing else but this town, nothing else but this life. 

Scout was from a totally different world than she was. No matter how much she tried to deny that, she couldn't deny the truth. They were as different as yacht parties and barbeques. Summers in South Hampton and camping in the woods. Jaguars and pickup trucks. They were from opposite sides of the track, but that didn't seem to matter. They loved each other. They'd found each other. Heartbreaking as the thought was, Bella knew that love might not be enough.

Being with Scout meant she'd have to leave it all behind and she wasn't ready to do that just yet. There was Charlie and the garage…Grace…her New Rawely friends…her mother…the mother she was just starting to get to know again. Scout wouldn't ever ask her to leave this place, but how could she not? He was onto bigger and better things. Princeton and eventually law school; a career in politics. Carrying on the Calhoun name. 

She didn't fit into his world. She never did and never would. That's just way things were. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't deny that. She was no trophy wife. What did she know about upper class and high society? All she knew was how to be herself and being Bella Banks meant being who she was at heart—easy chairs, warm beer and cold pizza. Dinner at Friendly's. Crusing through town. A New Rawley girl. That's the only Bella she knew how to be.

Bella looked at herself again, and hard as it was, she realized what she had to do. Without bothering to fix herself up, she bolted down the stairs and out of the house, hurrying towards Rawley Academy. 

She'd said the words—those three special words that she knew she'd never feel for anyone but him. Now, she was about to take it all back—for his sake and for hers. She was going to lie to him. 

Before she knew it, she was at the door of Scout's dorm room. It was slightly open, and through the creak she saw him, lying peacefully on his back, staring up at the ceiling, a smile upon his lips.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, fighting back the tears, her pulse becoming more rapid.

__

The winter here's cold and bitter

It's chilled us to the bone

We haven't seen the sun for weeks

Too long too far from home

I feel just like I'm sinking

And I claw for solid ground

I'm pulled down by the undertow

I never thought I could feel so low

And oh the darkness I feel like letting go

'Come on Bella. You can do this,' she whispered, a single tear falling down her cheek. 

She wiped her face quickly and took another deep breath, and slowly opened the door, her eyes never wavering from Scout, who was totally unaware that she had entered. 

__

If all of the strength and all of the courage 

Come and lift me from this place

I know I can love you much better than this

Full of grace, full of grace, my love

'You can do this,' she told herself once more. 'You have to. It's for the best.'

She took one more step and this time, Scout finally saw her. He looked at her with that quiet intensity and love he always had. 

__

It's better this way I said

Haven't seen this place before

Where everything we say and do

Hurts us all the more

It's just that we stayed too long

In the same old sickly scheme

I'm pulled down by the undertow

I never thought I could feel so low

And oh the darkness, I feel like letting go

She loved him so. 

But she had to do this. 

There was no other way. 

She had to lie to him.

She had to say the words.

'I don't love you.'

All she could do was stand there, feeling like the world around her was about to collapse. 

And it did.

__

If all of the strength and all of the courage 

Come and lift me from this place

I know I can love you much better than this

Full of grace, full of grace

I know I can love you much better than this

It's better this way

* * * end flashback * * *

"I don't know what to say," Will started, "except that that was…what you did…was…unbelievable. I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone, Bella."

"Me too," Bella retorted meekly, her eyes shut tight. 

"You have to tell him everything. You can't keep this a secret anymore."

"Yeah I can. I have to."

"What do you mean? Don't you think you owe it to him…to yourself…to tell the truth? Nothing good can come from keeping this to yourself, Bell. Living in a lie will only bring you heartache," he told her, his statement seeming to hint at something more than just Bella's predicament.

"Are we still talking about me, Will? Or about you?"

"All the more to listen to what I'm saying," he retorted with conviction. "I've been there. I've lived that lie. You want all the pain, hurt, guilt, and confusion to go away? Then you have to tell him. How can he forgive you unless you tell him what you need to be forgiven for?"

She didn't say a word, only looked at him, her eyes wide, filled with realization. 

He was right.

Will leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Bella continued to keep her focus on him as he walked to the stairs. He stopped at the foot of the staircase and looked at her thoughtfully. 

"Think about it, Bella."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"I promise to love you and honor you, all the days of my life."

Hamilton smiled as he said those words aloud, thinking to himself how wonderful his life had turned out to be. He could not imagine ever saying those words to anyone but Jacqueline Pratt.

"Just 15 more hours, Fleming. Just 15 more hours," he said as he sat up in bed, glancing at the unoccupied space next to him, where Jake usually lay. This night, she was staying at her mother's, following tradition by not seeing the groom until the ceremony. It was the first night since his return home that she wasn't sleeping next to him and it was driving him crazy.

He had managed to sleep for a half an hour, but the excitement of the wedding kept his subconscious active and eventually, caused him to wake up. Since that time, he'd been sitting in bed, looking through photographs of the two of them, reading old letters, and thinking about the years they'd spent together. It made him feel warm inside when he thought of her, the simple things about her always brought a smile to his face. Her laugh, her smile, the way she bit her bottom lip whenever she couldn't think of something to say. Every time he thought of those things, he could not help but be happy.

Hamilton missed her so much. He'd only left her a few hours ago, but he wanted to be with her, especially since the news of her father's return had sent her in a state of shock and uncertainty. Still, he knew he'd done the right thing by letting her spend some time with Will. He was her best friend and the fact that in spite of everything, their friendship had endured, was a testament of how deep and strong their friendship really was—and a testament to what a great guy Will was.

It was three thirty AM and Will had come to him a short while ago to let him know that he'd taken Jake to her mother's. They exchanged quick good nights and he was sure Will was asleep now, and Bella too. So, with no one to talk to and nothing left to do, he figured that it was time to finally go to bed. After all, what good would a sleepy Hamilton be at the altar, yawning through his vows? Jake would kill him!

He turned off the light and shifted around a bit, almost forcing himself to close his eyes for he was far too anxious. Some minutes passed and just when he was dozing off, someone came in the door and turned the light back on.

"Just when I was finally falling asleep, now you wanna talk," Hamilton grumbled as he struggled to open his eyes. 

" I wanted to do more than just talk but since you put it that way…" a familiar voice laughed. Jake.

At this, Hamilton shot up, his stare fixated on her. "Jake? Wait a second…aren't you supposed to be…"

"At my mom's? Yeah, I was. I couldn't sleep."

"Neither could I."

"I missed you," she said as she closed the door behind her and made her way to sit down next to where he lay. 

"Me too. I mean…I missed you too," he returned, his sideways smirk on his lips. 

He took her hands and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "I can't believe you came over here at this hour! Going around the city by yourself! I would have come to get you if I'd known you wanted to…" his statement cut off by Jake's kiss.

"Don't worry," she said with a smile, "Don't you remember that my mom has her driver on call 24 hours a day? Thought I'd take advantage of it for once. Plus, I gave him the day off…so it worked out in his favor, see?" she laughed. 

"Smart girl," he grinned. " Always loved that about you," he remarked, planting another kiss on her lips, this time longer and more passionate. "God, I love you," he sighed.

In between kisses, she managed, "And I love you."

She lay in the spot next to him, tucking herself into the covers. She snuggled up next to him as he hugged her close. "My mom is going to kill me when she finds out I came here! All of sudden she wants to be Ms. Traditionalist and do everything the old fashioned way. That was never my bag."

"You can say that again," he answered, as he rested his head on hers, smiling all the while. "I'm glad you snuck out. Reminds me of all those times I'd sneak out to go to your dorm, risking a serious ass kicking from my dad every time."

"It was worth it, wasn't it?" 

"Oh yeah. Definitely," Hamilton chuckled. 

"So was coming here tonight. I know we promised we wouldn't see each other until the ceremony, but I can't stand to be away from you, not even for one night. I never want to spend another night or day without you."

"It's a good thing we're getting married then, isn't it?"

She brought his hand to her lips, as she placed a gentle kiss upon it. "Yeah…pretty much."

With that said, Hamilton took her face in his hands, bringing their lips together for another kiss. Every time they kissed, it was filled with the same fervor and warmth, want and love as that first REAL kiss—the kiss the night of the Cotillion. 

Jake covered his body with hers; he held her tightly, their kisses unrelenting and filled with desire, never breaking for air. When they finally did stop, Jake teased, "You just can't get enough of me, can you?"

Hamilton just smiled and replied, "No. Never." 


	11. Part 14

**Part 14**

**5:35 p.m., Trinity Church******

"Jacqueline! If you don't hold still I can't get this veil on you!" Monica Pratt exclaimed.  "Why are you so fidgety?"

Jake squirmed around in her chair in front of the mirror.  She was already dressed in her gown, minimal makeup on; hair fixed in a style not much different from the way she usually wore it.  It was only 25 minutes to the ceremony and though she'd felt no nervousness in the weeks and days prior to the wedding, she felt it now.  

Oh was she nervous.

She stopped for a moment, calming down by taking a deep breath.  Why was she so nervous? She was marrying the man of her dreams, the one and only love of her life.  So why was her heart beating at such a furious rate? Why were her palms sweaty?  Why was she unable to stay still for even a second?

Why? Because she was nervous.  But not in a bad way.  

She was nervous in a way that let her know…this is for real.  This is good.  This is how things were meant to be.  She'd been waiting her whole life for that guy…the one who made everything in her life perfect.  Hamilton was THE guy.  He'd always been that guy—since the moment she first saw him.  

"There! You're all done!" her mother said as she slipped the simple tiara on Jake's head.  She placed her hands on her shoulders and looked at her in the mirror. "Oh honey…you are…so beautiful."

Jake smiled and put her hands on top of her mothers. "Thanks Mom."

"Oh Jacqueline," Monica said as she struggled to keep her voice steady, "You know you are the world to me.  I just wish that I could have…"

She patted her mother's hands. "I know, Mom.  I know."

"Well, you probably need some time to yourself," she replied as she kissed her daughter on the cheek.  "I'll see you in a little while."

In the mirror, she watched as her mother exited the room and Bella entered.  She carried in her hands a small white envelope with the name _Jacqueline handwritten on the front. _

"What's this?" Jake asked as Bella handed it to her.

"A courier brought it—just now.  He didn't say who it was from," she paused, looking Jake in the eyes. "I think we both know who it's from." 

Jake's hand shook as she opened the envelope, Bella's hand resting on her shoulder, being her only support.  She took the letter out and unfolded it.

She didn't look at her, only uttered softly, "Bell, if you wouldn't mind, I'd rather do this alone."

Bella left quietly, shutting the door behind her.  Jake closed her eyes and swallowed as she prepared herself for whatever the letter might contain.  She didn't know what to expect and she didn't like that feeling very much at all.

She opened her eyes and taking a deep breath, began reading the letter.

_My dear Jacqueline,___

_   My god…it's been a long time.  I am probably the last person you expected to hear from today, _

_today of all days, when you should feel nothing but love and joy.  Yet, here I am, writing this letter, _

_and potentially disturbing what should be the happiest day of your life.   I know I have no right to _

_do this to you now, after all these years, but I must.   I must because I don't think I can go another _

_day without letting you know…how sorry I really am.  ___

_   What I did was…IS unforgivable.  There is no other word to describe how wrong my actions were.  _

_I left you…without a father.  In doing so, I left my daughter; not only a daughter I loved and still _

_love--with all my heart, but a daughter I was too selfish to think of when I could not bear the _

_burdens life had placed on me.  The day I left you and your mother, the meaning and purpose of _

_my life escaped me.  Since then, every day has been a struggle…and I say this not so that _

_you may pity me, but to let you know…that the pain I caused you…I caused myself too.  ___

_   I am sorry.  I don't know how else to say it.  I know it probably does not make a difference now.  _

_You're grown up and have your own life, and though I'm not forgotten, the memories I left you with _

_are probably locked up somewhere in your mind, somewhere that you don't have to open if you _

_don't want to.  ___

_    I was going to go there today to see you…and say all of this in person.  But I'm a coward.  _

_I can honestly say that I am not man enough to say these words face to face. I realized that _

_coming to you would only cause you unnecessary pain and anger, and those aren't things you _

_shouldn't be feeling on your wedding day.  So, I'll stay away and let you have your day.   I wish _

_you the best…you and Hamilton.  You deserve to be loved.   I am glad that you found the one _

_man who can love you with all his heart.  I wish I could have walked you down the aisle, but _

_it's not my place.  You have your life and I have mine.  I just hope that we can find each other _

_again some day.  So, I leave it in your hands.  I've taken this first step and now…it is your _

_choice where to go from here.   I've left you the information so that if you choose to do so, you _

_can come and see me.  I understand if you choose not to, if you choose never to respond to _

_this letter.  ___

_   Jacqueline, know that not one day has passed that you haven't crossed my mind.  I have _

_never stopped loving you.  You are my daughter.  The love I have for you is unconditional, _

_despite what I may have led you to believe.  You weren't the reason I left.  It was me.  I just _

_couldn't handle it.  I know that is no excuse but there is no other way to explain it.  I just couldn't _

_take it.  I am so sorry for all the pain I caused.  I can only ask for your forgiveness.  Please, _

_forgive me.  Do what you will, just know that I will always be thinking of you and hoping nothing _

_but the best for you.  Congratulations.  May your wedding day be filled with all the joy and _

_happiness in the world.  I love you.___

_Dad_

Jake held back tears as she finished reading the letter.  She sighed deeply as the memories of her father came flooding back to her.  She smiled as she remembered him…his smile and laugh…the way he was able to make her feel fearless…like she could do anything…be anyone…be anything she wanted to be.  Those were the things she recalled most, not the bad times, not even the day he left her life.  'Please, forgive me,' he'd written.  'Am I ready to do that?' she thought, 'Can I forgive him?'

It wasn't going to be easy, but they were going to get things to be how they always should have been.  They had to.  She wasn't going to let her life pass by without having her father in it.  She'd wished he'd come today.  But she understood.   She knew what he feared—the  reaction that up until last night, she'd be more than willing to give him… until her talk with Will.  The anger and animosity that had built up over the years gave way to remorse and empathy…and forgiveness.

The questions raced through her head, but the answer was clear. 'Yes. I forgive you, Dad.'

She was overwhelmed with happiness as she said the words aloud.  She'd been scared to hear from him again, yet now that it had happened, nothing else rang through her body.  

A knock on the door broke Jake from her introspection.  "Who is it?" she asked, bringing her gaze up from the letter.  Looking in the mirror she saw exactly who it was.  Will, coming through the door, decked out in his tuxedo, smiling back at her.

"Just me," he retorted as he walked to her.  Noting the slight glaze in her eyes, "Everything okay?"

"Great.  Everything's great," a meek smile on her lips.

"Good."

He looked at her—so beautiful, so perfect.  He loved her—more than words could ever describe.  Still,  here she was, about to marry someone else—someone that SHE loved more than anything.  Nothing he could do would ever change that.  Nothing.

In silence, he suffered, doing his best to put on a happy face.  He quaked inside when he thought of what would become of him.  How was he ever going to get through this?  Then, Finn's words came back to him.  "I'm still searching for the answers myself," he told him.  How long would it be until he found the way to happiness again?  He didn't know, only that it wouldn't be any time soon.

He loved her like he knew he would never love anyone else in his life.  He knew that deep in his heart—an undeniable truth that he would never be able to forsake or forget.  No woman had or ever would touch his heart the way Jacqueline Pratt had touched his.  

"I have something for you," Will told her. "I was saving it for later but…well…here."

He took the box he'd been hiding behind his back and gave it to her.  The card on the front said simply, "For Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton Fleming."  She smiled slightly at the salutation and lifted the lid of the box to reveal a script, newly printed and bound.  

All You Can't Leave Behind.

An original screenplay by Will Krudski.

Jake looked up at Will but he just nodded as he beckoned her to turn the page. 

She perused the page with the character descriptions.  There were five main characters, each strongly familiar to five people she knew all too well. She continued reading, skimming the pages. Her eyes lit up when she realized what this script was all about—Bella, Scout, Hamilton, Jake, and Will…their lives…the story of their lives…the trials and tribulations…the secret loves…the heartaches.  It was all there—raw , full of realism and truth…every emotion there to be taken in.  

"Will…this is…I…it's amazing."

"It's from the heart," Will answered modestly.  " I was only writing the truth. You know what they say… 'Great art comes from…'"

"Great pain," Jake cut in, regret lacing her voice.  "I'm so sorry."

"Jake, don't be.  I'm not going to lie and say that I'm over you…because I'm not.  I try not to love you, but I can't stop," Will said calmly.  It was a bold thing to say, but he had to.  He knew it didn't matter…it never had.  She'd listen and contemplate the words…but it wouldn't change a thing.  Not a damn thing.  

"Don't worry about me, Jake.  I will get through this."

"Will," Jake replied with quiet resolution, "you'll always have me as a friend.  Your best friend.  That I promise you."

_What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage__  
Created you a monster broken by the rule of love  
And Fate has lead you through it  
You do what you have to do   
And Fate has lead you through it  
You do what you have to do___

Will offered his arm to Jake, realizing that it was time for the ceremony to begin.  "Shall we?"

She took his arm and nodded, allowing him to lead her towards the back of the church where the rest of the wedding party waited to make their way down the aisle.  

Will took in a breath, his heart beating a mile a minute.  

_I had the sense to recognize __  
That I don't know how to let you go__  
__Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul  
However swiftly moving, I'm trying to escape this desire  
The yearning to be with you  
I do what I have to do  
The yearning to be with you  
I do what I have to do___

Bella approached, Scout right on her heels.  "You ready?" she asked.  

"More than ever," was Jake's confutation.  

Scout looked at Will with sympathy in his eyes, giving Will the strength and comfort he'd been searching for the whole day.  He wasn't ready to do this.  He couldn't do this.  Yet, he couldn't let her down.  He loved her too much to do that to her.  

_I had the sense to recognize___

_That I don't know how to let you go___

_I don't know how to let you go___

The harmonious melody of string instruments filled the church, prompting the entourage to get in their places.  Will stood back, watching them make their way down—first Monica Pratt, then the Fleming's, followed by the flower girl, and ring bearer.

It was Scout and Bella's time to make their procession now.  The best man and maid of honor.  Monica had insisted they escort each other down the aisle.  Good thing.  'Maybe walking to the altar will reawaken their senses,' Will said to himself.  

_A glowing ember burning hot, burning slow__  
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing   
For only you  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
I know I can't be with you_  
I do what I have to do__

Jake and Will stepped up to the threshold.  They paused, waiting for the wedding march to play.  Jake remained silent, her manner cool and collected, all nervousness and anxiousness gone.  Her gaze stayed forward, focused on her beloved.  

The music changed, the euphonious sound of the choir causing the hundreds of guests to rise from the pews and turn to them.  

Without looking at her, Will joked, "Well, Jacqueline…you look like…totally…"

 "Foxy?" she chuckled under her veil.  "Even in a wedding dress you can't help but make that joke!"

"Actually…magnificent would be a better word for you.  You look magnificent, Jake."

 "Thank you, Will.  Thank you so much."

"For what?" he questioned, turning to her.  

Their eyes met—and in that moment he knew…he knew that no matter what happened from here…she'd be there for him…because she loved him.  Like a friend…like a brother.  Like family.  Because after all these years, that's exactly who he was to her.  Family.  And that would never change. 

"For being you."

He grinned,  "Let's get you to the altar.

And I had the sense to recognize

_That I don't know how to let you go___

_But I don't know how to let you go___

I don't know how to let you go


	12. Part 15

**Part 15  **

Scout glanced around the church at the more than 200 guests as he and Bella made their way to the altar.  He had never been too good with crowds, ironic considering he was the son of a senator, and was quite petrified that something would go awry as they made their procession.   Though he kept a straight face, seemingly at ease and unperturbed, his palms were sweaty, making his hands feel like they were drenched in water. 

He glanced at Bella, smiling graciously at the guests who intently kept their gaze on the couple, praying that she could not tell how unsettled he really was.  They were half way down the aisle, but the feel of his clammy hands was as irritating as the feel of everyone's eyes on him.  Subtly, he rubbed his hands against his tuxedo, wiping of the transudation.  

"Nice move," Bella chortled, his move subtle, yet not subtle enough.  "Nervous are we?"

"No," Scout whispered back defensively.   She laughed a little more, which prompted him to add, "Okay, maybe a little."

"Scout Calhoun, scared of crowds…who would've thought?" she joked.  It was the longest exchange of words they had had since their parting that early morning.   

She thought she'd be uncomfortable walking down the aisle with him. However, what she felt as they made their way down the path was the antithesis of that. 

It just felt right.

She couldn't deny that anymore. 

'I love you, Scout,' she said to herself.  No, she couldn't deny it anymore.

The love she felt for Scout Calhoun.  Neither the years, nor the distance had changed that.  She had forced herself to believe that what she did was the right thing, the noble thing, the best thing; that if she had stayed with him, in the end, she'd be the one getting hurt.  

In the end, she still got hurt.   

They both did. 

Now, she had the chance to fix it.  To undo the damage.  

She'd been hesitant…no…adamant about keeping her secret.  But after seeing him again, after all this time,  she couldn't lie to him anymore.  Never again.

They reached the foot of the altar where they parted, Scout taking his place next to Hamilton, while Bella stood on the opposite side.  Occasionally, he'd steal a glance—the A-line lavender dress complementing her tiny figure.  It was vaguely similar to another dress she'd once worn—her prom dress. 

The euphony signaling Jake's entrance now filled the church as the guests stood up.  At the end of the long path, Jake and Will could be seen, arm-in-arm, slowly but surely making their way to the altar.

The sight of Jake in her wedding gown roused the same reaction Bella had the day before when she first saw Jake in her dress.  She was truly a sight to behold—the dress accentuating her natural beauty.  Her smile—a mile wide.  Her stare—completely focused on Hamilton, who smiled back at her, his blue eyes locking with her green haze.

_Do you remember the first kiss?_

_Stars shooting across the sky_

_To come to such a place as this___

_You never left my mind_

The memories of their years together flashed before her.

Sitting at their spot in Central Park.

Ice skating in Rockefeller Center.

Holding hands as they walked the streets of Manhattan.

Standing on the roof top to watch the sunrise.

_And I draw a line _

_To your heart today_

_To your heart from mine_

_A line to keep us safe_

Midnight rendezvous.

Forbidden glances.

Stolen kisses.

Whispered words in empty hallways, dark corners…

_All through the rising sun_

_All through the circling years_

_You were the only one_

_Who could have brought me here_

Motorcycle rides through the woods…

"Hi boy"

The day when Finn walked in on them in the showers.

Parent's Day at Rawley and the Regatta.

The old drive-in theater…the way he kept glancing over at her…the incredible tension between them.

"Hardy Boys…meets Nancy Drew."

…The Cotillion…

That first kiss on the roof top…

_And I draw a line_

_To you heart today_

_To your heart from mine_

_A line to keep us safe_

The time they broke up…

The day he returned home…

Their reconciliation.

The day he proposed…

…Today.__

__

Will kept a steady countenance as they traveled towards the altar, a forced smile on his face.  He didn't want to look at her, because one glance and he knew…he'd lose it.  He'd scream out, do anything—anything—to make this stop…to make the pain go away.

The entire way, he stayed quiet, preparing himself to do the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life—give Hamilton Jake's hand in marriage.

She'd asked him to do it.  She told him that there was no one else she'd rather have walking her to the altar.

Unfortunately, he wanted to be the one she was meeting at the altar. 

He knew how much it would hurt him to do it.

He said yes anyway. 

Now, here he was…leading her to her destiny.    

They reached the foot of the altar; Hamilton was there, waiting for them—waiting for her.  

Jake turned to Will, her eyes wide, conveying the joy and rapture she was feeling inside. 

He took her hand, but stayed their for a moment, knowing that he would never hold her like this again—not as Jacqueline Pratt.  In minutes, she would become a married woman.  She would become a wife—Hamilton's wife.  He thought he had accepted that simple fact; he thought that time had eased his pain.  

He was wrong.  

With a heavy heart, he did what he came to do—to say goodbye.  And to give her away.  For good.

He lifted her veil, giving her a kiss on the cheek, his body trembling.  The feel of her skin on his lips nearly drove him mad, a shot of pain running straight to his heart.  He shut his eyes tight for a split second, trying to block out the vision of her face. When he opened them again, she was looking at him, her heart burdened by the anguish she was causing him, the complexity of the situation bearing down on her mind.   She frowned for a moment, imbibing his pain before quickly regaining her composure.  The same pain Will felt running through his veins as he kissed her, she somehow felt too; that had always been the key to their friendship—the ability to empathize with one another, to feel exactly what the other person was feeling whether it be sorrow or bliss. 

As Will placed her hand in Hamilton's, she felt him flinch, as if the action was causing him physical pain. 

Will smiled weakly and Jake smiled back through the veil, knowing full well what she was doing to him.  If only she could do something to make it better.  But there was only one way…and she couldn't do that…because she loved Hamilton…not Will…not the way he wanted her to and certainly, not the way he needed her to.

"I couldn't have done this without you.  I love you," she whispered.  

Will stood there, unable to speak, unable to do anything but look at her, and feel as if his life was escaping him.

Hamilton turned to Will and mouthed, "Thank you."  Before Will could respond, the couple faced the priest.  The ceremony finally to begin.  

Immaculate in a tuxedo just like the one he wore the night of the Cotillion, Hamilton greeted his bride, smiling widely. "Hi boy." 

"Hi boy," she said in return, interlocking her fingers with his. 

Will stepped aside next to Bella, keeping his stare at something—something other than the bride and groom. He didn't even know what he was looking at.  He didn't know anything anymore.

The ceremony started, but he couldn't hear a word.  He could hear nothing, feel nothing.  It was like…he was dead inside.  

When Will finally came to, the priest's words came through loud and clear, "If any man can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak or forever hold his peace."

Will just stood there.  Numb. 

'Forever hold his peace.'

The words were on the tip of his tongue.  'I love you, Jake.'

Instead…nothing.

Nothing but paralyzing silence.

With this as the response to the priest's statement, he proceeded.  

"Hamilton and Jacqueline, since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and all present here today."

Jake and Hamilton faced each other, their eyes locking instantly.  They'd gone over this part of the ceremony in rehearsal, but it didn't feel like this. 

Perfect.  No other word could describe this moment. 

This was it.  This was really happening.

They looked at each other, intense love filling their eyes.  

No fears, no qualms, no regrets.

Only love.

_From this moment life has begun_

_From this moment _

_You are the one_

_Right beside you _

_Is where I belong_

_From this moment on_

"I can't remember what my life was like before I met you," Hamilton started his vows. "What I do remember is that I fell in love with you the first time I saw you—even though I thought you were a boy," he laughed, as did many of the other guests.  "And that scared me…because I didn't want to think that I could be in love with a boy.  But love knows no boundaries and you can't help who you love.   You taught me that, Jake.  You taught me what love really is.  And what I felt then, is nothing compared to what I feel now.   We've weathered many storms together.  We've been through so much.   And we're still standing.   We're still here.  Together.  You give me a sense of peace and joy that I only feel when I'm with you.  You make me feel like life is worth living—because I have you.  I love you, Jacqueline.    I will love you until the end of time."

Jake, her eyes glowing with tears, breathed in, and began her vows.  

_From this moment I have been blessed_

_I live only for your happiness_

_And for your love I'd give my last breath_

_From this moment on_

"I'm an actress…I've been acting for as long as I can remember…maybe my whole life.  When you left, I pretended that I was okay; that I had moved on and that my life was just fine without you.  That letting you go was the right thing to do.  I was giving the performance of my life.   But then you came back and I realized…that without you…there is no me.   From that moment on, I knew, I could never let you go again.  Hamilton, you are my soul, my life.  You accept me and love me for who I really am and for that, I love you," Jake said with a smile, holding back the tears.  "You love me—all of me—good, bad, with all my quirks.  You never judged me, or questioned me, you stood by me through everything. You put yourself on the line for me, you risked everything…because you loved me that much.  And that's why I love you, Hamilton.   Because you were there for me when no one else was and you loved me…when I thought no one did.  You were and always will be my best friend and I will cherish you forever."

 "I love you," they both whispered simultaneously.  They gazed into each other's eyes, both pairs brimming with tears.  Hamilton, unable to control them any longer, let the tears fall from his eyes.  He smiled as Jake shook her head, laughing a little, and gently brushed them off with her hand, while she steadfastly held onto his hand. 

Sniffling could be heard from the guests, not a dry eye among them.  Kate Fleming hugged her husband's arm, her eyes red from crying.  Monica Pratt sat across from them, and making eye contact with Kate, flashed a smile, all the while her eyes swelling up with tears.  The two women had never really bonded before, but in that instant, they did.  The great love that existed between their only children had brought them together and given them such contentment that the only thing that they had ever wanted for their children had come to fruition—true love and happiness.  

For Will, watching Jake and Hamilton profess their love for each other was too much to take.  Jake's words struck his heart; his body giving way to this intense torment; he looked unsteady, as if he might collapse. 

'You were and always will be my best friend.'

Those words stung at him…the cold truth hitting him like a freight train.

It only reiterated in his mind the fact that he would never mean as much to her as Hamilton did.  For what they had was stronger than anything he'd ever seen before; deeper than the oceans.   He could never touch that—what they had was too real.  

Bella looked over at Will.  Though he was trying to hide the pain and suffering he was experiencing, she could see right through him.  

She took his hand, squeezing it tight in hers to be his support…to be his friend.  He turned his face to her, his eyes moist, yet his face rigid and stoic.  She looked at him sympathetically, squeezing his hand a little tighter.  He squeezed back, for she was his only source of strength in this moment of despair.  Will held on tight, the sheer realization taking grasp of him. He suddenly felt weak—weaker—like his legs were going to give in.  Bella, not missing a beat, tightened her hold.

Scout quietly observed the exchange of vows, hoping to himself that one day, he would find someone who he loved—and who loved him—as much as Hamilton and Jake loved each other.  

Maybe, he already had.

Scout looked over in Bella's direction and for a second, their eyes met.  He made no gesture, no facial expression, just looked at her, biting her bottom lip, staring back at him with her blue-gray eyes.  It was only for an instant and almost immediately she turned away.  

Still, it was long enough for Scout to see—she was thinking that too.

The priest began again.  "The wedding ring is the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual bond which unites two loyal hearts in endless love.  It is a seal of the vows Hamilton and Jacqueline have made to one another.  May those who give these rings, and who wear them, may they forever live together in unity, love, and happiness for the rest of their lives."

Taking the ring from the ringer bearer, the five-year-old son of one of his cousins, Hamilton began the exchange of rings.

_I give my hand to you with all my heart_

_Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start___

_You and I will never be apart_

_My dreams came true because of you_

"Jake…" 

"--queline, " Jake laughed,  reminding him that her given name had to be used. "Jacqueline."

This incited a laugh from the congregation and from Hamilton. "Jacqueline," he corrected himself, blushing, "I give you this ring as a symbol of our love.  With it, I wed you and give you my body, heart, and soul."

_From this moment as long as I live _

_I will love you, I promise you this_

_There is nothing I wouldn't give_

_From this moment on_

As soon as he finished, Jake took Hamilton's wedding band and slipped it on his finger.  "Hamilton, take and wear this ring as a symbol of our love.  With this ring, I thee wed, and commit my life to you forever."

"Since you have signified your love by exchange of vows and the exchange of rings," declared the priest," I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss the bride."

"With pleasure," Hamilton added, flashing his sideways smirk.

They looked at one another for a moment, happiness and elation overwhelming them.  

_You're the reason I believe in love_

_And you're the answer to my prayers from up above___

_All we need is just the two of us_

_My dreams came true because of you_

"I love you Mrs. Fleming," Hamilton said softly.

"I know," she answered sweetly. 

Hamilton cupped her face and brought his lips to hers, kissing her tenderly.

Their first kiss as husband and wife.  

What a good first kiss it was.  

_From this moment as long as I live_

_I will love you, I promise you this___

_From this moment _

_I will love you as long as I live_

_From this moment on_


	13. Part 16

**Part 16 **

The downtown Manhattan skyline sparkled in the background as Jake and Hamilton and their 200 guests celebrated the nuptials atop the roof of their apartment building. Since the structure itself was quite extensive, the new Mr. and Mrs. Fleming were able to set up tables and chairs for everyone, even a dance floor which would no doubt be used by all. There were no elaborate or tawdry decorations, just simply adorned tables—white table cloths, centerpieces consisting of lavender, silver, and white candles, and white paper lanterns hanging from thin wires, making them appear as if they were floating in the air. 

In various spots throughout the reception area were easels, displaying large black and white photos of the newlyweds from throughout the years. Some were individual portraits, while others were of the couple together. There were a few which included Bella, Will, Scout, and other friends—particularly those from Rawley Academy. 

Jake and Hamilton stood in front of an easel that held their favorite picture—a candid shot of the two of them in Central Park, locked in a tight embracing, kissing, oblivious to the on-lookers passing them by. It was taken by a friend of Hamilton's, a paparazzi photographer who was considerate enough to give it to them instead of to the papers. 

"I always knew you two were meant for each other," a voice said from behind them. They turned around to see Lena, unchanged by the years, except for her red-hair which was now shorter and curled. 

"Hey!" Jake exclaimed, springing forward to give her a hug, "So glad you could make it!" 

"You kidding me?" she retorted as they hugged, "I wouldn't have missed this for the world." 

"None of this would be happening if you hadn't knocked some sense into me," Hamilton said as Lena and Jake stepped out of each other's hold. "Thanks." 

Lena smiled and Hamilton embraced her as a sign of his appreciation. "No need to thank me. It would have happened sooner or later. I just helped it happen…sooner!" she asserted as she pulled away from Hamilton. "But I do wish you had told me you were a girl and spared me all those years agonizing over why all the good guys turn out to be gay," she laughed. 

"Well, not all the good ones," Jake said, pulling Hamilton closer to her. Her head then turned to Will, sitting at a table across from where they were. "I could introduce you to one," she offered. 

Looking into the same direction as Jake, she spotted him and added with a laugh, "Will? Oh, he's great. But I've already tried my luck with him!" 

"What? When? He never told me about you two," Jake replied, baffled as to why Will had never mentioned it to her before. 

"It was one date…senior year. He was nice and all, but it was pretty clear I never had a chance. His heart was… somewhere else." 

Jake looked at Hamilton, embarrassed, knowing exactly where Will's heart was. Jake bit her lip nervously and flashed Lena a sheepish grin. Then, as if he knew what had just transpired, Will glanced in their direction, giving them a knowing smile. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  


Bella stood up from her place at the head table, champagne glass in hand, the complete attention of the partygoers on her. It was deathly quiet as they awaited her speech, the one she had prepared early this morning after returning from Scout's. 

Until a couple of days ago, it had been quite some time since she'd last seen Jake and Hamilton together. In fact, the last time was in the days prior to the _last wedding—the one that never happened. Though she'd known them for a decade now, she found it difficult to write her speech, primarily because with the exception of a few phone calls a month and sporadic visits, she'd hardly seen any of them since graduating high school. _

"I remember the first time I met Jake. Instantly, I knew that _he wasn't like any other guy I'd ever met! 'He' was different and it was until later that I realized how different and special Jake was…is," she said, blushing a little. The little scrap of paper on which the speech was written on trembled in her hand, showing that Scout wasn't the only nervous one in the wedding party. Bella looked over at Jake and Hamilton, who smiled back reassuringly. Bella grinned and continued on, a little surer of herself, "I was right. Jake wasn't like any other guy because __she wasn't a guy at all. Instead, she was…is…this incredible, strong, and beautiful woman. And it was also when I realized that Hamilton had to be something pretty special, for someone as extraordinary as Jake, to love so much. And you are special. You both are. Without you, without seeing what great things love can do through your example, I don't think I'd ever have gained the courage or be willing, to open up my heart and try to love again. Thank you for giving us all hope to hope and reason to believe that one day, we will all find our own true love." _

She paused for a second, aware of Scout's presence, battling the impulse to look at him. Bella turned to Jake and Hamilton, avoiding Scout's gaze, "I wish you both the best things in life because you deserve nothing less. I will always be here for you, just as you have always been there for me. Cheers," she finished, hoisting her glass in the air. 

At the completion of her speech, Scout rose from his chair, beginning his own, a mischievous smirk on his lips. 

"I've known Jake and Hammie since I was fifteen, way back when Jake was masquerading as a boy at Rawley and when Jake, like the girl she is, was messing with Hamilton's head by pretending to be a guy. What am I saying? Messing with _all our heads! Hey! I was really confused about them in the beginning," he declared with a laugh, "but it looks like they turned out okay. And that guy," Scout exclaimed, pointing at Jake, "is DEFINITELY wearing a dress!" This garnered laughs from everyone, especially Jake, who recalled the night at the cabin when Scout said something similar, with the exact same tone of voice and facial expression. "Actually, I have something really embarrassing I need to confess and Ham, I was saving this __especially for your wedding day," he continued, looking at Hamilton, who writhed in his chair and grimaced a tight grin, worried about what Scout was about to say. Scout paused, building up the anticipation to what he was about to say. Finally, he broke out in a huge smile and exclaimed, "I once thought I was gay too! I had a secret crush on Jake, but I never dared to tell anyone of course!" _

At this, Jake roared with laughter and Hamilton, caught off guard by this confession, nearly spit out his wine, the laughter too much to contain. 

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, who wouldn't fall in love with a face as beautiful as that? Boy or girl!" he professed, causing Jake to blush and laugh even harder. Jake just glared back at Scout, laughing, but flashing him a 'I'm so going to get you later' look. "Seriously though…don't they make a beautiful couple?" The response was a unanimous one, everyone clapping and cheering, tapping their glasses in agreement. 

Will, in spite of his inner turmoil, laughed and cheered as well. He was relieved he didn't have to give the speech, it being the main reason he opted against sharing the honor of being Best Man with Scout and choosing to walk Jake down the aisle instead. It was not an easy choice, the fact that Hamilton had asked him was moving in itself, but he just could not give a speech. He sat in relief as he watched Scout, surmising that the worse part was over. 

As the noise simmered down, Scout began again, but what came next was completely unexpected. "I'm sure you've all enjoyed this little revelation of mine, but I feel I should do justice to everyone now and therefore, I humbly hand it over to the Master of Words and the poet of all our hearts…and by far, the real Best Man. My best friend, Mr. Will Krudski." 

Will looked up at Scout, speechless. There was an unexplainable emotion hidden in his blue eyes, a mix of hurt, resentment, turmoil, and fear. He sure as hell didn't see this one coming. 

He arose almost unthinkingly, adjusting his tie, unsure of what had just occurred. 

He inhaled and raised his eyes upward, looking out into the reception area. He didn't want to look at them. This was hard enough; he didn't need to be reminded why. 

In the distance, something caught his eye. A picture—one of the black and white photos—but it was not of Hamilton and Jake. Instead, it was a picture of him and Jake at their Stanford graduation, smiling happily for the camera, arms wrapped around one another's waist, their diploma's held high in their hands. They looked so—triumphant, proud…happy. 

He smiled, remembering how good he felt that day. 

He kept his eye on the photograph, willing himself to do this. He had to do this. 

How did it ever come to this? 

_What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be  
Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy  
And I use these words pretty loosely  
There's so much more to life than words _

_There is a me you would not recognize, dear _

_Call it the shadow of myself  
And if the music starts before I get there _

_Dance without me _

_You dance so gracefully  
I really think I'll be okay _

_They've taken their toll these latter days _

"Love is…complicated," Will began, the tone of his voice sunken, despite the words he was relaying. "It's full of contradictions; it can make you feel happiness that you've never dreamed of or sorrow that you thought was unimaginable. It's full of promises—fulfilled and unfulfilled. It's full of sacrifice and compromise. But it is all of those things that makes love what it is…that makes it great. And in spite of all those things, we all want love; we all long for it, hoping that it will come to us, take us, bound us up and never let us go. The thing is…that sometimes…love IS about letting go. It's about knowing when to stay and fight, but it's also about knowing when to leave. Truly loving someone means putting them first, putting them above all else…above yourself. It is about knowing and wanting that person's complete happiness, whether or not that happiness is you. Sometimes, love is merely… surrender. Good, bad, ugly or scary; it's giving up yourself completely—with no barriers and no limitations. Surrendering yourself to possibly what scares you the most and surrendering yourself wholeheartedly when there is no other way—even if it means letting go of the person you love. But letting go sometimes, doesn't mean it has to be the end; some of us are lucky enough to get a second chance. What I am trying to say is, we should never hesitate when it comes to love…we should never hold back or delay. We have to have courage to take that second chance, even if it seems very uncertain. Otherwise, we might let that chance pass us by. By professing their undying, love for one another, Jake and Hamilton have proven to all of us here …loving someone—truly loving someone—means letting go of all expectations, accepting that person for who they truly are, taking risks, seizing the moment and to use one of Hamilton's favorite phrases of all time, 'Throwing caution to the wind.'" 

At this, Will paused, smiling slightly, and raised his glass. "Jake and Hamilton, you are the lucky ones …two of the lucky few who have found a love that conquers all; a love that is timeless. And real. No matter where life leads you, may you always find your way back home—back to each other…" 

The room had been completely quiet, each ear hanging on his every word. It was so still that the only sound Will could hear was the sound of his heart breaking. 

He forced back the tears as he spoke. 

It was not until he was finished that he looked at Jake and Hamilton. He stared at them, a meager smile on his lips, the sound of applause drowning out his thoughts. Hamilton, his eyes bright, gratitude filled within; and Jake…Jake who had stayed so composed throughout the day's events…the tears building, being blinked back, her head cast down with a sad smile on her lips. 

He continued to stare at Jake, waiting for her to pick her head up. He needed her to look into his eyes and see…know…that everything he had just said…was true and heartfelt. 

At last Jake lifted her head, her eyes landing straight on him. She knew what he had just done for her, how incredibly difficult it was for him to do that…to say those words. 

Her tender and tearful gaze pierced his heart. Suddenly, Will found himself repeating internally the same words Jake had spoken in her vows as it dawned upon him…he too had just given the performance of his life…the irony of it all falling thick and heavy on his heart. 

She just kept her gaze on him, her smile masking the tears that wanted to fall—Will's words meant the world to her. 

Will lifted his glass, holding it high this time, "To Jake and Hamilton." 

_Nothin' like sleepin' on a bed of nails _

_Nothin' much here but our broken dreams  
Ah, but baby if all else fails, nothin' is ever quite what it seems  
And I'm dyin' inside to leave you with more than just cliches _

_But tell them it's real _

_Tell them it's really real _

_I just don't have much left to say _

_They've taken their toll these latter days _

_They've taken their toll these latter days  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A few minutes after dinner was over, Jake got up from her chair and to everyone's surprise, took the microphone. 

"Hamilton and I would just like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for joining us tonight and celebrating our marriage with us. You are all very special to us and without your love and support, we might not have made it here. So, thank you all from the bottom of our hearts." 

Clapping came from the attendees, as did a few cheers, but they were halted when Hamilton stood up, motioning them to cease for he had something to say. 

"This is the part of the reception where the bride and groom have their first dance together. Before doing that, I'd like to give my wife her wedding gift because as all of you will find out shortly, our first dance and my wedding gift go hand in hand," Hamilton announced, smiling at Jake who smiled back, curious as to what Hamilton had up his sleeve. 

"Don't worry, Jake, it's nothing THAT embarrassing," he laughed, as did everyone else. Jake just shook her head in laughter and mouthed, "Funny." 

"Believe it or not, up until this morning, Jake and I still hadn't picked out our wedding song. That seems weird considering that we've been together for so many years, but there just didn't seen to be a song that exemplified every aspect of our relationship. So, I figured…what better gift to give my wife than the perfect song." 

The soft sounds of the piano began playing in the background, as they looked at each other with all the love they had in their hearts. "I know that once you hear this song, you'll see why it was meant for us. May I have this dance?" he asked sweetly. 

"Am I following your lead?" she asked teasingly. He flashed her his sideways smirk and led her to the floor. 

When the couple reached the center of the dance floor, Hamilton pulled Jake to him; one arm around her waist, the other holding her hand, keeping it close to his heart. 

They smiled as their eyes remained locked on one another, oblivious to everything and everyone around them. 

_One word, that's all was said,  
Something in your voice called me, turned my head.  
Your smile captured me, you were in my future as far as I could see.  
And I don't know how it happened, but it happens still.  
You ask me if I love you, if I always will _

_Well, you had me from "Hello"  
I felt love start to grow the moment I looked into your eyes,  
You won me, it was over from the start.  
You completely stole my heart, and now you won't let go.  
I never even had a chance you know?  
You had me from "Hello"  
_  
  


"It's perfect. Kinda _sappy, but perfect," she chuckled. _

"I knew you'd like it," he whispered, a huge smile spreading across his lips, his clasp on her tightening. 

"I love it. I love _you," she replied, becoming completely lost in his embrace, truly touched by his dedication. _

_Inside I built a wall so high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall  
One touch, you brought it down  
Bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground  
And I swore to me that I wasn't going to love again  
The last time was the last time I'd let someone in _

The entire reception had their eyes on the pair, no one said a word as they too listened to the song. 

A feeling of warmth and love filled the air, the love between Jake and Hamilton radiating through, spreading to all there. 

…Almost everyone. 

Will sat at the table, the pain sharpening with each second that passed, at every glance of her face. He looked at something in the distance, only feigning attention at what was going on in front of him. 

No matter how many times he told himself, no matter how many times he heard it mentioned, the reality that Jake and Hamilton were husband and wife had not hit him…not until this moment. There they were, dancing alone together—dancing as husband and wife—so in love, with blind devotion, and unquestioning submission. 

_Well, you had me from "Hello"  
I felt love start to grow _

_The moment I looked into your eyes,  
You won me, it was over from the start.  
You completely stole my heart, and now you won't let go.  
I never even had a chance you know?  
You had me from "Hello" _

"So, after this are we gonna stick around or should we 'mysteriously disappear?'" Hamilton laughed, wriggling his brows. "Grrrr…" 

"Eager are we?" Jake chuckled. "Well, we could dance for awhile. You know, it could be fun?" 

"Yeah, lots of chicks in taffeta!" Hamilton joked. 

_That's all you said  
Something in your voice calls me, turns my head  
You had me from "Hello"  
You had me from "Hello"  
I've loved you from "Hello" _

Jake's cheek brushed against his, the sheer sensation sending tingles down her spine. He pulled her closer to him, as if it was possible to be any closer than they already were, kissing her cheek gently. 

"I love you," Hamilton whispered. "I love you so much." 

"Me too…I love you too, Hamilton." 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

The party was in full swing—the guests off their seats, dancing, mingling, enjoying the celebration. Jake and Hamilton had not sat down since getting up for their first dance, spending every minute either on the dance floor or socializing with their friends and family. 

But there was one person missing from this picture—this commemoration of love and lifetime commitment. 

Will. 

No one noticed him leave, not even Bella or Scout who were preoccupied with their duties as Best Man and Maid of Honor to nurse Will in his time of need. 

He had made his way down the side stairs of the fire escape and back into the apartment which was the floor below the roof. He crept in through the window, almost knocking over a lamp. 

Not being able to turn on the light, he kicked the lamp and it toppled over, shattering the bulb when it hit the ground. As he walked forward, crackling noises ensued as he stepped over the shattered pieces. 

Shattered. 

Just like him. 

He stood there for a moment, in the dark, breathing in heavily, as if doing so would make the pain go away. But it wasn't going away. It never had. The pain that had built up over the years had accumulated and was now taking its toll on his weary body. And he couldn't do a thing to stop it. 

The next thing he knew, he was kicking the drawers, kicking the bed, knocking over things spread on the desk. He didn't care about the mess he was making or what he was destroying. He didn't care about anything—not even himself. Not anything. 

"Fuck!" he yelled loudly, the music drowning it out. "Fuck this! Fuck fuck fuck!" 

He punched the wall, throwing all his might into it. He hit it several times as hard as he could, stopping eventually as his fists started to hurt. He kept his fist in the puncture he had made, slumping his head down as he let the pain run through his body. 

In the dark, the outline of a white frame glowed, standing out against the darkness. He took it of the wall, realizing what it was—the same picture of him and Jake at their Stanford graduation, the same one that was on display at the reception. 

They looked happy. God was he happy… 

But after today, how could he ever be happy again? 

Even if it was always just a dream, it had been the one thing he had held onto, the one ounce of hope in his life. He had given her…well, everything—his heart, his soul…every single part of himself. She never knew that…she never knew how much she meant to him…until it was too late. 

The music of the party crept in his ears, laughter coming in alongside it. 

Then it all came back to him, the vision of them—Jake and Hamilton—in his head. Dancing under the stars, happier than they'd ever been. 

He was alone now. No need to hide what he was really feeling. 

In anger, he threw the frame against the wall, breaking the glass in one blow. 

_I didn't know it could feel like this  
I didn't know the hurt  
And I try to explain to myself  
But I can't find no word _

Will stood there in front of a mirror, his reflection staring back at him. He looked at himself, hard…but the man who stared back at him was someone he didn't know. Someone too shamed, too broken, too hurt. It didn't look like him at all. It didn't feel like HIM at all. 

Then, the anger gave way to sadness, the tears rushing to his eyes and falling relentlessly. His legs gave way as he fell to the floor, landing next to the bed, still in front of the mirror. He sobbed, his breaths becoming shorter, his stomach twisting, his chest in excruciating pain. 

"Jake," he uttered, "Jake!" He looked around at what he had done, frightened by this act of violence. It reminded him of his father, a man he never wanted be like. Yet, here he was… 

He looked around the room, the finality of it all sinking it. It was over. Really over. 

From that moment, nothing in his life would ever be the same again. 

Will just sat there, unable to look at himself in the mirror, his face buried in his hands. He was crying. Crying his fucking eyes out. Shit. He never knew he could cry like that. 

_So I lie about it  
And I tell 'em I'm feeling fine  
And I'll cry about it  
Hoping tomorrow will change my mind _

He'd always been the strong one, the wisest one, the most dignified. But that Will left the moment Jake said "I do."_ He'd lost it…totally lost it…all his senses gone. _

He suddenly felt so alone. 

Completely alone. 

_Happiness has come to this  
And God, it's such a heavy burden to bear  
  
I didn't know it could be like this  
I didn't know it could go so far  
And I try to reveal the part of me  
But you can't find no scar _

Every cell in his body had been drained of will and hope. He was in agony, a pain so unbearable that he thought he'd die. 

But he had to take it because all that mattered to Will—all that had ever mattered to him—was Jake's happiness. He loved her enough to know that her fate was with Hamilton. He loved her enough to let her go, even if it meant he would live the rest of his life in agony. 

_And I lie about it  
And I tell 'em I'm feeling fine  
And I cry about it  
Hoping tomorrow will change my mind _

_Happiness has come to this  
And God, it's such a heavy burden to bear  
_  
  



	14. Part 17

**Part 17 **

The hot evening air had now turned into a summer breeze, the night sky devoid of clouds, the stars acting as mirror images of the twinkling lights of the city.  The rooftop was a beautiful site; the guests all enjoying themselves, people dancing, talking and laughing.  It was reunion of sorts; people from their lives at Rawley, Stanford, and thereafter, joined together on the rooftop, celebrating the joy of their mutual friends—Jake and Hamilton. 

They talked off in one corner, a group of friends from both Rawley Boys and Rawley Girls, who had been the few people, besides Will and Scout, that Jake and Hamilton had built friendships with during their years there.  

"I can't believe you pulled this off in three months," one girl friend exclaimed, "I couldn't even pick out my dress in that amount of time." 

Jake just laughed and answered, "Well, we just finally found something worth splurging our hard earned cash on." 

"The benefits of being a highly-paid, highly renowned actress," another friend surmised. 

"That and the free designer clothing," Jake added sarcastically. 

"Having the reception on the roof was a wonderful idea.  It's gorgeous up here," Lena added. 

Jake and Hamilton just looked at each other and Hamilton chuckled, "What can I say?  We kind of have a thing for rooftops." 

"What?" asked a befuddled Lena. 

Jake smiled broadly, "Nothing." 

Bella sat at the head table, observing everything that was going on.  There wasn't much else for her to do since most of the other guests were people she'd never met.  So, for now, she was stuck in a fairly one-sided conversation with none other than Monica Pratt. 

"And that speech of yours…simply wonderful," declared Monica, "You know, you have a great voice, you ever thought about doing radio?" 

Bella shook her head and laughed, "No, no.  The only interest I ever had in radio was installing them." 

Monica gave her a puzzled look, not knowing that Bella had worked with cars her entire life.  Disregarding her comment, she offered, "Well, I know people in that medium so if you ever want to get into it, I could make a few calls."  

"I'll keep that in mind." 

Monica looked off, seeing a bored Jake and Hamilton, now locked in a conversation with an older woman who was talking her head off.  They smiled politely and nodded at her, but Monica could tell, they wanted out. 

"I'm sorry to leave you, but I see Jacqueline and Hamilton over there with her Aunt Marcy.  From the looks of things, seems they need a bit of rescuing," she said, getting up from her seat.  "Why don't you dance? You've been sitting here the whole night." 

"Yeah…" she trailed off, not really taking seriously what she was saying. 

"I am sure there are plenty of men here who would love to dance with you," she said with a smile.  "And there's Scout…he's over there somewhere…or Will?" 

Bella didn't answer her, she didn't feel like dancing.  But Monica had brought up a good point—Will.  She hadn't seen him in almost an hour, not since the cutting of the wedding cake.  She had been too busy helping Jake and Hamilton to notice that he had left.  She got up from her seat and looked out into the crowd; his strawberry blond hair and his tall stature made him easy to spot.  

She made her way through the crowd, searching for his familiar face.  But she didn't see him. 

When she got off the dance floor, she approached Scout, who was talking with a group of friends he hadn't seen since graduating from Rawley. 

"Excuse us," she said, pulling him away from the group.  When they were out of their hearing range, she asked, "Scout, have you seen Will?" 

"No," Scout replied as he looked around the room for him.  "I haven't seen him since they cut the cake." 

She sighed and pursed her lips together. "He must have slipped out when everyone started dancing." 

"You think he's okay?"  

She shot him a  "What do you think?" look and said, "He's not here.  We better just find him before someone notices and starts asking questions that we're not at liberty to answer." 

Just then, Lena sauntered past them, but before she could get too far, Scout tapped her on the shoulder, making her stop and see who it was. 

"Have you seen Will?" Scout questioned her before she was able to say anything. 

"What is this? Are all of you trying to play matchmaker?" Lena chuckled. 

Bella and Scout looked at her quizzically, neither knowing what she meant. 

"I saw him earlier.  He was headed down the fire escape," she remarked, staring back at them with the same look of confusion. 

"How long ago?" Bella interjected. 

"Half an hour maybe?" Lena responded, curious as to why she was being grilled like this. 

"I'll go," Bella said and briskly walked away, leaving Scout to deal with her. 

Lena eyed Scout cautiously, "Is everything okay?  You seem a little on edge.  All three of you do." 

"What?" Scout ejected, his light eyes widening at her comment.  Could she know what was going on with Will?  Or even what was happening with him and Bella?  Then again, Scout himself didn't even know what was going on with them.  When she'd left him this morning, he was more confused than ever.  He remembered the look in her eyes when she was about to leave his apartment.  They didn't have the same spark that they used to; there was something unsettling about them like she was…drained, listless, defeated…maybe even something more severe than that. 

Not wanting to discuss the matter any further, he offered his hand to her, "Shall we dance?" 

She knew he was avoiding the subject, but decided to drop it for now.  "Sure, I'd love to." 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Will sat on the bed, his back to the window, looking at the open bottle of champagne in his hands.  He was about to take another drink when the sound of cracking glass made him realize that he was not alone. 

"Will! My god! What happened in here? Are you okay?" Bella asked frantically, rushing to his side. 

Will kept his head lowered and grumbled, "No. No, I'm not." 

She sat next to him on the bed, taking the bottle, peering at its contents—about a quarter left.  "Dammit Will! You are so much better than this.  So much better," she said, glancing around the room, which was in total disorder. 

He sighed in frustration, "I know…I just…I had to get it out.  I couldn't take being up there.  I can't take this anymore.  I can't keep living like this." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean I can't do this.  Stand by, being the 'good friend', watching them live happily ever after." 

Bella looked at him compassionately, placing her hand on his knee. "No one expects you to stand by and watch.  No one expects you to do anything." 

"That's where you're wrong," he snapped, "Everyone expects everything of me.  To carry on as if everything is perfect, to suppress my feelings.  That life is just grand.  Well, it isn't.  Why can't anyone see that I can't do this anymore?  That I can't keep pretending?  This isn't a life, Bella.  This is something else, something dark…bleak.  I can't live here anymore…I don't want the rest of my life to be like this." 

He stopped and just stared down at the floor, a single tear escaping him, falling at his feet. 

Bella wrapped her arms around him, comforting him like he had comforted her many times before.  "I don't know what to say," she said softly. 

"That's because there IS nothing left to say." 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"So what's going on with you and Bella?" Lena asked suddenly.  She and Scout had been dancing for a while now, but his eyes were elsewhere, searching, and she knew exactly who he was looking for.  She'd noticed them acting quite oddly towards each other the whole night, a definite tension between them.  As usual, her intuition was dead on. 

"There's nothing going on…with me…and Bella," he said, struggling to sound indifferent. 

"Oh please.  There is something going on.  It's like…so obvious." 

"I don't know what you think is happening with us, but I can assure you, we are just friends." 

"Yeah…that's what they all say." 

He was ready to say something when Bella and Will appeared at the edge of the dance floor, and seemed to be staring straight at him. 

Bella felt a twinge of jealousy when she saw Lena in Scout's arms, even though she knew it meant nothing. 

"What are you waiting for?" Will questioned Bella.  "Just tell him." 

"I know…I will," Bella answered quietly.  "I just wish it could be easier than this." 

Scout looked at Bella and Will, deep in conversation, but he had no clue what about.  Lena twisted her head to see who had gotten his attention, and seeing that it was the person she had suspected, she said, "Friends, huh?  Friends don't look at each other the way you just looked at her." 

He took this in, realizing she couldn't be more correct.  Bella had hurt him…and hurt him badly.   Even before that morning, she had played with his heart continually…treating him like a friend one day, the next…acting as if she didn't care.  Still, that hadn't stopped him from loving her or she from loving him.  In subtle, little ways, they showed each other their true feelings…that the way she treated him was only act…a guise to protect herself from whatever it was she feared would happen to her for loving Scout.  Scout did not know it, but it was that same guise that ended up hurting them both in the end. 

Lena watched him as he pondered this over.  "I don't know what it is that happened between the two of you.  But Scout, you just gotta…get over it.  Whatever it was, was in the past.  Stop doing this to yourselves and just…go." 

"Go," Will said to Bella at the same moment.  "It's now or never." 

Bella nodded and started to walk away when she turned around, "Wish me luck," she said with a hopeful smile. 

When Bella reached him, Lena was no longer at his side.  He was all alone, waiting for her in the middle of the dance floor, hands in his pockets, an eager, almost earnest expression on his face. 

"Hey," she said softly, her eyes lifting up to meet his. 

"Hi," he replied, his blue eyes boring into hers. 

Scout examined her for a moment—the way her nose wrinkled when she laughed, how she bit her lip as if it would make it stop.  Her eyes lit up when she laughed, the blush in her cheeks deepening.  

They stood there, in the center of the floor, eyes locked, everyone else dancing but them.  He wanted to talk, so did she.  There was so much to be said. 

_My divorce from dependence _

_That's when you found me _

_I was still soft _

_And we always were in trouble _

_Odds stacked against us _

_And trouble's what we are _

"Shall we dance?" he asked. 

Silence ensued as Bella brought herself closer to him.  He put his arms around her waist, as she placed hers around his neck.  She wanted to be close to him…she just wanted to look at him, memorize his face, take him in.   Nothing had ever felt this good. 

_We get so far _

_And then it just starts rewinding _

_And the same old song _

_We're playing it again _

_Suspension without suspense _

"So, is Will okay?" he inquired, not forgetting about his friend. 

"He will be.  I can't imagine how much he is hurting right now, Scout." 

"I have some idea." 

"Yeah, I guess you do." 

Bella closed her eyes, making a memory of this moment.  Summoning all the courage in her body, she steadied herself, ready to finally tell him the truth.  

"Scout?  I…I have…something t-to tell you," she stammered. 

"Yeah?  What is it, Bella?" he asked, a look of concern clouding over his eyes. 

"It's about…well, it's about….about what happened between us.  What happened that morning after the Prom." 

He said nothing, just waited for her to go on.  He had a feeling that it was bound to come up sooner or later.  And after the way they had left each other this morning, he knew it would be sooner. 

"You see…the thing is…the thing is…I lied, Scout," she finally got out, her heart racing. 

"What do you mean 'you lied'?  Bella, what are you talking about?" Scout asked, pulling back so that he could look at her.  

She was steadily losing her composure, her voice starting to shake, her heart beating a little faster. 

"When I told you that I didn't love you…that was a lie," Bella choked out, unable to look him in the eyes.  "Because the truth is…is that I did love you.  Everything I said and did that night, was real…and true.  I did love you, Scout.  I just didn't know how to deal with what loving you meant.   So, I took it back." 

He stepped away from her completely.  He couldn't process, the thoughts not yet formulating into words.  He just stared at her, mouth agape—disgusted, hurt, flabbergasted.   

It was like he was there all over again, in his dorm room that fateful morning, waiting for her to say that she didn't mean it.  Instead, she walked out his room…and out of his life. 

Now here he was, waiting for her again, waiting for some sort of explanation.  But she just stared at him, tears glistening in her eyes.  

All those years of blaming himself, of thinking that he wasn't good enough, of wondering what he had done to deserve such punishment.  

Now, it all came to light. 

She had lied. 

She stepped towards him, ready to say something, but he pushed his hand forward, motioning her to stop where she was. 

_Now that I've murdered your inspiration _

_And I forced you off _

_Do you hate me? _

_Do you want revenge? _

_I want to call you _

_But I won't_

"Scout…I…I'm sorry.  I'm so, so sorry.  I never meant for it to be like this.   I just…" 

"Don't.  Just don't," he cut her off, putting his palm up to stop her from saying anymore.  "I can't believe this.  I can't believe you, Bella!" 

He turned on his heels and walked off the floor, leaving Bella alone to contemplate what had just happened.  She didn't stay for long, however, rushing after him, pushing her way through the floor to get to him.  Just as she got out of the huddle, she saw him, headed down the main stairs to the apartment. 

She followed him down the stairs and into the hallway of the floor the apartment was on.  There he was, next to Jake and Hamilton's door, his arm stretched to the wall, supporting him as he leaned in.  His head was down, a hand running through his hair.   

He knew she was there, he knew that she would not hesitate to go after him.  He kept his gaze down, thinking…thinking about what she had revealed. 

It angered him to think of her now, the fact that for all these years she'd lead him to believe that she did not love him, although everything in his heart knew that she did.  It was just one lie, but her silence all these years was just as damaging as if she had uttered that falsehood over and over. 

Bella stood a few feet away, her arms crossed in front of her, allowing the tears to just fall down, not bothering to wipe them off. 

_Oh the pessimistic protection plan _

_Moderation loving _

_I've been hardened by the circumstance _

_We knew this was coming _

"Scout. Please, talk to me," she asked tentatively. 

He looked at her and stood upright, hurt and confusion in his eyes.  "Why? So you can just lie to me all over again?  Dammit Bella! What were you thinking? How could you lie to me about something like that?  How could you do that?" 

"How could I…" Bella answered, her voice picking up, her tone taking a sharper edge. "Because I loved you! Because I didn't want to hold you back!  Because I didn't fit into your world!  God Scout, I loved you so much.  But I knew that what we had, that US, that WE, just weren't going to work out.  We were never meant to be together. You put me so high, made me out to be more than I was…more than I am.   I didn't know anything about high society, 40 room mansions, vacationing at the Cape.  It was time to stop pretending that our love was going to overcome everything that lay between us, Scout.  You deserved…you deserve to be with someone who understands the life you live, because I didn't.  You deserved to be with someone who could handle all the demands of being a politican's wife.  Of being in the limelight.  Someone with more class, a better background. Someone more like you." 

Bella finished, her tears streaming down her face.  She looked at Scout, whose eyes had taken a little bit of a softer tone, yet not completely devoid of that same coldness and vexation she'd seen before.  

Scout shook his head and softly uttered, "Is that what you thought? That I was going to be in politics like my father?  I thought you knew me!  I love my father and I look up to him, but I never wanted to BE him.  I never intended his life's work to become mine. " 

Exasperated, she retorted, "I…I thought…that was what you always wanted." 

He shook his head in disbelief, and abrasively answered, "Why do you think I dropped out of law school?  It was never meant for me.  It wasn't ME, Bella." 

He walked to her, leaving only a foot of space between them.  Looking her in the eyes, he continued, "Bella, the only thing I wanted in my life was to be with you.  Sure, I cared about having my family's approval, but that isn't what mattered most to me.  What mattered to me was that I could live my life the way I chose to.  I had a plan—that plan included you." 

Her heart melted when she heard this, recognizing that what she had done…that her reasons…were unfounded.  She'd taken it back to protect him, so that they would move on with his life.  But neither of them had.  They were stuck in the past, unable to move forward, clinging to what might have been. 

Bella struggled to catch her breath, her face stained with tears.  Scout inched back, spinning around and walking towards the apartment door. 

_We get so far _

_And then it just starts rewinding _

_And the same old song _

_We're playing it again _

_Suspension without suspense _

"What have you done?" he asked, his head shaking in dismay. 

"I wasn't ready, Scout," Bella murmured.  "I wasn't ready to leave New Rawley." 

In frustration, Scout threw his arms up and faced her, "You went to Connecticut that fall!  What do you mean you weren't ready to leave?  You left the first chance you got!" 

"That was after I…" 

"Realized there was nothing left for you there?" Scout questioned angrily.  "That there was more out there for you than that life? Than that town? Don't tell me you weren't ready to leave New Rawley.  That's bullshit!  You had been ready to leave that town since the moment I met you." 

She didn't say anything for she knew resistance would be futile.  He had every right to be furious with her, chastise her.  After what she had done, she deserved this.  Maybe more.  

"I'm sorry," she whispered, just once, her voice so small and faint that Scout barely heard the words.   

He was sick and tired of this…fed up with feeling this way, of feeling like she was in control of him…even after all this time.   She made him feel weak…weak because of the power she had over his heart.  He had shut her out, tried to forget how much he loved her, but he never really did that.  He certainly wasn't doing it now. 

"Just because you say 'I'm sorry' doesn't mean it makes it right," Scout said finally, his clear blues eyes now ossified by her revelation.  "I thought that this was over, that I'd put it behind me. Why are doing this, Bella?  Why didn't you just let me live in this lie?  At least then, I would be able to look you in the eyes and not feel so betrayed. Why?" he asked, his voice trailing off, depleted of energy.  So much was happening all at once.  Too much…    

"Because I still love you," she uttered softly.  "I still love you." 

She searched his face for answers, but found none.  He was just…numb. 

"I love you," Bella repeated, venturing toward him.   "I never stopped.  And I've wanted to tell you the truth for so long, but it just got harder and harder to do it.  Then, I came here and being with you again…it just made me realize that I would rather live the rest of my life, having you know the truth and hating me for it, than live it wondering what might have been.  I just wanted to know, to see if maybe…there was even a small chance that we could get past this.  That if you could forgive me, we could start over.  And maybe this time, things would end differently." 

_We get so far _

_And then it just starts rewinding _

_And the same old song _

_We're playing it again _

_Suspension without suspense _

_Intentions without intent _

_But I don't want the love we have to end _

His silence told her that he did not agree. 

She was right about one thing.  Things were certainly going to be different. 

Because this time, Scout was the one walking away, leaving Bella to watch him go. 


	15. Part 18

**Part 18 **

Scout returned to the reception, opening the door slowly as he caught his breath and collected himself, still reeling from Bella's news. 

He couldn't believe it.   He _didn't_ believe it. 

It had taken Scout years to convince himself that Bella had never been in love with him in the first place; that what she felt for him was a mix of teenage hormones, pubescent desire, a passing infatuation—the basic need to love someone, the want to be _in _love.  It just happened that Scout had turned up right when those feelings were at their peak.  'She never loved me,' he had told himself over and over again.  'It wasn't _real_.' 

He couldn't believe it because he didn't want to.  Because believing her would mean that it was all true, that she really did love him.  And…because believing Bella would make everything he had forced himself to believe in order to get over her…well, untrue.  And he just couldn't deal with that, not after all this time.  He couldn't deal with HER right now. 

There was so much to sort out, so much to think about, and he knew he wouldn't be able to think clearly with her standing right next to him.   She still did that to him, all ability to think or speak clearly diminished whenever she was near.  

So now what?  He didn't know where to go from here.  He didn't know what to feel.  She seemed contrite, genuine…but she'd lied before… 

He was so confused…and he hated that.  The old Scout would have never felt this way, not about her, not about them.  Had this happened eight years ago, seven, six…maybe even less than that…he would have reacted differently.  He may have forgiven her on the spot, taken her in his arms and told her that he loved her too; that they would work it out, that they would be happy together.  But that was then and this was now…and he wasn't the same person he used to be—not the sentimental, hopeless romantic, so sure about everything.  No, this Scout was only a shadow of the person he used to be. 

He'd been through too much, lived through too much.  

Things change.  People change. And so had he. 

He took in a deep breath and crossed the floor to the other guests, he too saving face in spite of the ongoing war between his head and his heart. 

On the other end of the floor stood Will, still in the same place he had been since he'd come back to the party.  From his position, he had witnessed Bella's revelation and all that ensued.  He watched it all, but he could see that he was the only one aware of all the drama that swirled around them.  

What a night it had turned out to be. 

Will set out towards some old classmates across the room when the familiar sound of Jake's voice halted further movement. 

"Hey! Where've you been? I've been looking for you!" 

His first reflex was to tell her just where he had been—in his room, having it out, releasing all his pent-up emotion.  However, he settled against it and decided to say, "I had to take care of some pre-production stuff…and I had to pee." 

"Oh," she responded with a laugh.  "Well now that you're here…where's my dance?" 

He wanted to say no, conscious that holding her in his arms might be too much to take. But as the music turned into a slow, lush aria, Will could not resist the chance to have these few minutes with her, a few minutes to have her as his own…even if it was just in his imagination. 

'I just wish it could be easier than this,' Bella had said to him not long ago. 

He wished too.  But nothing about love is easy.  Nothing ever is. 

And neither was this, not even one last dance. 

Will took Jake's hand in his and ushered her to the dance floor, gingerly putting his arms around her, as she did the same to him.  She was so beautiful, intoxicating…the sight of her, her scent—it overwhelmed his senses and took his breath away.  Still.  Always.   

_Time, sometimes the time just slips away _

_And you're left with yesterday _

_Left with the memories _

_I, I'll always think of you and smile _

_And be happy for the time I had you with me _

_Though we go our separate ways _

_I won't forget so don't forget _

_The memories we made _

They swayed gracefully to the music, silently, both lost in their own train of thought.  Will looked at Jake and instantly knew that there was something she wanted to get out, but she was still searching for the words.

"I saw him," she finally said.  "I saw him at the church." 

This jolted Will back to reality. He needed no further explanation.  Will knew exactly who Jake was talking about.  Her father. 

"It was outside…when it was already over. And I just felt like…I dunno…I just knew somehow, I knew he was there.  I could feel him, Will.  I turned my head and…there he was.  I thought I was hallucinating, but he was really there." 

She stopped for a second, a smile creeping over her.  "He looks just like I remember…a little older but…god, he looks the same.  I look so much like him.  I have so much of him in me!  I never knew that 'til now."  Then, her smile waned, a strange countenance coming over her, "He was smiling, looking around…he just had this smile on his face…like pure joy.  Indescribable.  I think I would have plummeted to the floor if Hamilton hadn't been gripping me so closely.  And then, my dad…he saw me looking at him.  But I wasn't smiling…I was just…shocked…horrified…nervous.  I don't…it wasn't registering.  It was just…surreal.  By the time I realized what my expression must have looked like, that I wasn't smiling back…he was already gone.  He probably thought I didn't want him there," she finished gloomily.  "It just happened so fast…too fast." 

Will shook his head slowly, indicating that he understood.  They danced in silence for a few moments, both uncertain as to what to say or do next.  

"I want to see him, Will," Jake ejected. "I _need_ to see him." 

"Jake that's," he paused, choosing his words carefully, "Are you ready for that?" 

Jake swallowed, shutting her eyes momentarily.  When she opened them, they were full of determination and certainty.  "I am," she smiled nervously.  Will smiled back, however, the words that came next were ones that Will did not forsee. "Will, I want you to come with me.  I'll never get through this alone." 

_Please remember, please remember _

_I was there for you _

_And you were there for me _

_Please remember _

_Our time together _

_The time was yours and mine _

_While we  were wild and free _

_Please remember, please remember me_

It was then that Will realized…it still hadn't hit Jake.  She was asking HIM, Will, to go with her. She looked at him, agog with anticipation, waiting for him to answer.  But what wasn't registering for her was this simple truth—it was not Will she should be asking to accompany her to this all important reunion, but her husband.   

Will shook his head gently, "I'm sorry.  I can't." 

"Why not?" she asked, disconcerted, clearly not comprehending his statement. 

"You know why," he replied.  He glanced over her shoulder, nodding his head slightly.  Jake looked behind her and a few yards away, there was the 'why,' clear as day…Hamilton. 

Jake bit her lip, nodding silently, the reality finally settling in.  

She was married now. 

No acumens needed to see what he meant.  Only the truth.  Only…real life. 

And no matter how hard she tried to deny it, she couldn't deny the undeniable.  

She and Will…THEY would never be the same again.  Things between them were going to change.  They already had. 

But she did not want things to change.  She did not want to let go.  Neither did he.   But she understood why.  She belonged to Hamilton now.   And nothing could ever change that. 

She smiled a wobbly smile, her eyes somber, looking somewhat deflated.  "I understand." 

"Does he know?" Will asked. 

"No," she said without thinking, surprised at her own response.  "I haven't told him yet." 

"Then I guess you know what you have to do." 

_Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say _

_And it's sad to walk away _

_With just the memories _

_Who's to know what might have been _

_We'll leave behind a life and time _

_I'll never know again _

They shared a long, wordless moment.  She embraced him tightly, holding back stunned tears.  There was something in his manner that made her feel like something was amiss, something in his embrace that was not _Will.  _

With his arms wrapped around her, Will could not refrain from reflecting on all that had happened today…and even before that. It was like…he was speeding uncontrollably towards the end.  No one else understood what that end was but him.  They didn't have to. 

But before that end…a dance. 

One last dance.  

He held her in his arms, fighting the uprising in his heart, the acute pain lingering there, but slowly—ever so slowly—it would fade away. 

So, he held her, staring straight ahead, powering through the tears, not wanting to ruin these few moments he had her all to himself.  He just took it in, savoring it. 

Just one moment at a time. 

_Please remember, please remember _

_I was there for you _

_And you were there for me _

_And remember, please remember me _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Monica Pratt watched on silently as Will and Jake moved across the dance floor, a genuine, elated grin upon her face.  She'd never seen her daughter as happy as she was tonight, surrounded by the people she loved the most in the world, the first day of the rest of her life starting with this wonderful celebration.  

For a moment, Jake and Will danced out of her eyesight and immediately coming into view was Philip Pratt, who stood on the opposite side of the dance floor, looking a little nervous, his hands in his pockets, eyes set on his daughter as she danced in the arms of her best friend.  

Within seconds, Monica crossed the floored and was at his side, smiling despite the tension that floated in the air. 

"I didn't think you were going to come," she said quietly. 

"Neither did I.  Thankfully, someone helped me realize I should," he replied, moving his eyes momentarily towards Scout, who stood some feet away with Hamilton. 

Scout smiled and nodded, getting a smile in return from Philip, who then returned to his conversation with Monica, his gaze, however, locked on his daughter and Will, the same pure, joyous smile Jake had seen at the Church, still on his lips.  

"He's really here," Hamilton whispered, not really believing the sight before him.  "He wasn't at the wedding…so I thought…I thought he bailed on her." 

"He was there," Scout explained,  "He just didn't want to ruin things if it turned out Jake didn't want to see him." 

"How did you know he was there?" 

"I saw him as he was leaving and I told him that he should come...that in spite of everything, Jake would want him here.  That he'd already missed out on so many important moments in her life… that if he missed this, he'd regret it for the rest of his life." 

"Well, I'm glad he came," Hamilton retorted, as her watched her father leave Monica's company and make his way towards Will and Jake. 

"I've decided I'm going to see him first thing in the morning," Jake said to Will as they continued to dance, clueless to all else that was happening around her.  

Will spotted the handsome older stranger as he approached, his likeness to Jake too apparent to deny who he was.  Will brought his eyes back to Jake and smiled, "Something tells me you're not going to have to wait that long." 

Confused, Jake turned to see whom Will's eyes had fallen on…and there he was… 

"May I cut in?" he asked, his voice raspy, but strong.  Just like she'd remembered him. 

Will obliged and stepped aside, squeezing Jake's hand before letting go, the expression on her face that of complete disbelief.  

Suddenly, she felt weak in the knees, but her father steadied her, his strong arms fighting against her body's urge to let her legs give way.  She looked at him, her eyes wide, looking for an instant like a little girl, fragile and weak.  His little girl. 

_Please remember, please remember  
I was there for you  
And you were there for me  
Please remember, our time together  
The time was yours and mine  
While we were wild and free  
Please remember, please remember me _

"Hello Jacqueline," he said quietly and tenderly, a nervousness in his voice he couldn't hide 

Too overwhelmed by emotions, she was lost for words, the tears building and building, but a smile still spreading over her delicate and beautiful features.  

'You're here.  You're really here,' she thought, the words not allowing themselves to escape her throat.  

_And how we laugh and how we smile  
And how this heart was yours and mine  
And how a dream was out of reach  
I stood by you, you stood by me  
We took each day and made it shine  
We wrote our names across the sky  
We ride so fast, we ride so free  
And I knew that you had me_

Her mouth agape in total disbelief, she continued to dance, her feet commanding her movements, for at this moment, it was all she could manage to do. 

She glanced at Will, Scout, and Hamilton, all looking on, their faces conveying the happiness they felt for her.  She smiled and locked eyes with Hamilton, and like her, his eyes were filled with tears.  "I love you," he mouthed, his words giving her the strength she so desperately needed right now. 

_Please remember, please remember_

Jake smile widened, her heart ready to burst with joy.  She looked up at her father, Hamilton's words giving her enough to finally say, "Hi Dad." 


	16. Part 19

Part 19

"Oh man," Scout exclaimed as he walked through the apartment door and dropped himself down on the sofa.  "Do you guys know how to throw a party or what?" 

"Well…don't mean to brag but," Hamilton started as he stood behind Jake and wrapped his arms around her, "I think we did a pretty okay job given the short notice and all," he finished, kissing her temple.  

"Yeah, I think so too," Jake smiled, still on Cloud 9. "I'm just glad we got to share it with everyone we love…especially my Dad.  That wouldn't have been possible without you guys.  You don't know how much having him here meant to me," motioning to Scout with her eyes.  

"Only the best for our girl," Will added, smiling as he recalled how blissful she looked as she danced with her father, how having him there made everything complete.  

"Hey guys, it's getting pretty late, I think we should get going," Bella jumped in as she looked towards Hamilton, who was making no effort to hide how anxious he was to be alone with Jake.  She grinned and laughed, inciting the same reaction from him.

"Yeah, we should let you guys have some privacy," Will said, finding it difficult to sound casual.  "I'm going to get our things," he added, making his way towards the stairs.

"Let me help you," Hamilton offered, quickly crossing the room.  

When he and Will met at the edge of the stairs, Will looked at him and whispered, "You don't have to."

He just smiled, "Yeah, I know."

As they walked up the stairs, Will's mind raced thinking of an excuse to give Hamilton as to why his room was in such disarray.  He still had not thought of a plausible reason and before Will could get into the room, Hamilton beat him to it.  However, when he stepped through the door and turned on the light, instead of finding the unholy mess he had left it in, the room was perfectly intact, everything back in it's rightful place, the broken glass that was scattered all over the floor was not there either.

Hamilton observed Will's confused expression as he circled the room, surveying it, making sure that it was not an illusion.  Will did not know who could have cleaned this up, considering that Bella was the only other person who had seen it in it's previous state.  

As if reading his mind, Hamilton humbly said, "I did."

"Wha…why?" a confused Will asked in disbelief. "Hamilton, I…"

"You don't have to say anything, Will," Hamilton answered modestly, "I know."

"How did you…?" Will asked, uncertain how to get out what he wanted to say.  "How did you know?"

"When I came down with the presents," Hamilton started, still standing in the doorway. "I passed by the room and well…I did this," he finished, making a gesture with his hand, intimating at the fact that he had cleaned up the room.  

Will was taken aback.  Hamilton was the last person Will would have suspected doing this kind act for him.  After all, he could have just left things as they were and let Jake see the proof of how off base Will actually was at this point.  But instead, by performing this simple, little act of kindness, it was like Hamilton was letting Will know…he understood.

"I umm…I don't know…I don't know what to say man," Will sputtered, still not sure how to react to all of this.  

"It's okay.  The truth is…I don't know how I would be acting if the tables were turned. All I know is that…there is no way I would have been able to do any of it, because it would have just been too hard.  And that's why…you're a better man than me."  
  


"Hamilton, you don't have to say that.  You didn't have to do or say any of this for my benefit."

"I know that, but it's the least I could do.  You've been nothing but a good friend, in spite of everything.  You know that everything you did tonight…meant everything to her…to _us_."

Will smiled in spite of himself, "Well, you guys are my friends and you're all I've got.  There's no way around that.  What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't part of this day? That wouldn't make me a friend at all."__

Will began to gather his belongings placing things in his suitcase when Hamilton went over to him, and closed the luggage shut.  "You don't have to go, you know?  You don't have to move…at_ all_," he stressed, quietly but firmly.  "You're like family to Jake…and whether you know it or not…you are to me too."

He shook his head, never looking up, acknowledging Hamilton's heartfelt words.  "We've been through this before.  I have to do this.  I gotta get on with my life and I can't do that living down the hall.  This is hard enough as it is…" he trailed off, his tone on the brink of quaking.  

"It won't be the same without you," Hamilton said gravely, placing his hand on Will's shoulder.

Finally, Will looked up and replied, "But that's the point.  It's not supposed to be….and it can't be."__

Hamilton didn't really know how to respond.  "We…I…just don't wanna lose one of the only real friends I've ever had.  That's all.  Do _you _understand, Will? " he argued back despondently. 

"Yeah, yeah I do. Don't worry.  You won't," Will answered thoughtfully. "I just need time to figure things out…you understand…"

_As I'm leaving_

_A change comes on my eyes_

_These streets persuading me_

_With mumbled strange goodbyes_

They looked at each other, understanding flooding Hamilton's eyes, a moment of silence saying everything that needed to be said, everything that they were perhaps, too scared… too proud to say out loud.

For the next few minutes, they stayed that way, neither making a sound as Will finished getting his things together.  

Through the water 

_Through the rain_

_To the soul of everything_

_Throw my heart out on the stones_

_And I'm almost gone_

"That's everything," Will said, closing the suitcase shut. He started towards the door, but turned around one last time, checking to see if there was anything he had left behind.  

And there was.

His heart.

In that moment, Will Krudski left behind years of dreaming and hoping, wishing and longing…wishing and hoping for all the things he would never have and all the things he would never be…to Jake. 

Now, it was time to move on.  For good.   

But his heart would always be with her…always.  And he simply couldn't see it any other way.

There's no meaning 

_In clothes and coffee cups_

_Cheap hotel furniture_

_Where silence never stops_

Hamilton stepped out into the hallway, carrying Bella's bags.  He looked at Will.

He knew.

He was leaving.  

Not just this room, not just this apartment, but this life…this life that for so long had been the only thing he'd ever known.  But it was time…to make his own life, a new one…a life without Jake.  Not for good…but at least…for right now.

"Hey, you okay?" Hamilton asked, though he already knew the answer.  

Will failed to respond, keeping his back still turned to Hamilton.  He wasn't okay.  He didn't know if he ever really would be.  

Through the water 

_Through the rain_

_To the soul of everything_

_Throw my memories to the wind_

_And I'm almost gone_

Will looked at the desk and on it was the picture of him and Jake, the same one from the reception, the same one he had flung across the room in his misplaced rage.  He put his hand to it, ready to pick it up, but recoiled, taking in a deep breath, and left it where it was.  He closed his eyes and turned around, fumbling almost, as if it took too much effort to keep moving.   He didn't bother to take another look, instead, reached his hand behind him and closed the door—not just the door to the room, but the door to that chapter of his life.  

Hamilton and Will treaded down the stairs and on reaching the foot of the stairwell, Scout, Jake, and Bella were there to meet them.

"All set?"  Scout asked, taking the bags from Hamilton.

"All set," Will repeated, no other words allowing themselves to come.  

Jake, seeing that Will had all of his belongings with him, started, "Will, you don't…"

Will cut her off, knowing precisely what she was about to say. "I do."  

How he wished those words could have had different meaning….

But here they were.  And those words would never mean what he wanted them to.  Life wouldn't let them.

So with that they were out of the apartment and into the elevator.  The five of them, crammed together in that little space, with no words to fill it.  They were silent, all of them.  Maybe Will was right.  Maybe there was nothing left to say.  

Outside of the apartment building was Will's car, the same red, Mustang convertible that he had driven away in three months ago…under the similar circumstances.  They put their things in the car, but there was still one thing left to do.  

Say goodbye.    

And now I'm dreaming 

_I'm staring at the walls_

_Cars are frozen now_

_In late night waterfalls_

"So," Will said in a hushed whisper, a strong word all on its own.

"So," Jake answered flaccidly, in a voice just as quiet.  

She wrapped her arms around him, enveloping him with her warmth.  Will closed his eyes, wishing for a moment that it didn't have to be like this, that somehow, he could just fall out of love with her, that way, nothing would be the way it was now.  That he could stop wanting what they would never have.  That they could still have what they might never have again.

"I love you," Jake gasped, ready to cry.  Will could hear it in her voice, but he didn't want it.  No more tears.  Not for him.  

"And I, you," he replied.   He could not say those words to her anymore.  Not _that _word.   Otherwise, this vicious cycle would begin again.   His mind told him to pull himself away, but his heart quickly melted into her embrace and for one brief moment, he wished that this was all that existed in his world and that this moment, by some twist of fate, might never pass.  

He pulled away from her, but took one of her hands in his, holding it gently, reveling her touch one last time.  "I'll see ya when I see ya," he whispered, only now revealing himself as he allowed a single tear to escape him.  Braving a broad smile, he squeezed her hand and turned to leave.  

Jake smiled back despite the tears that fell upon her cheeks like heavy rain.  "Yeah," she sniffled bravely as she and Hamilton watched them drive away, "see ya when I see ya."

Through the water 

_Through the rain_

_To the soul of everything_

_Throw my heart out _

_On the stones_

_And I'm almost…_

_Through the water_

_Through the rain_

_To the soul of everything_

_Wash my heart out _

_On the stones_

_And I'm almost gone _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Bella paced the living room of Scout's apartment, clad in a ribbed tank top and pajama pants, the still-made bed proof that it had been yet another sleepless night for her.  She, Will, and Scout had arrived there hours earlier, however, Scout successfully avoided her the entire way back and promptly shut himself in his room upon their arrival.   

Over and over she racked her brain, thinking of how Scout reacted to the long-deserved truth.  He was upset, that much was clear, and though he came off as angry, she had a sinking suspicion that it was just a mask for another feeling, one that he was obviously trying so hard not to let her see.   Though she had been afraid to tell him the truth…unsure… she knew that somewhere deep in his heart, he would accept it and They had kept in touch over the years, letters here and there, phone calls made when each knew that the other would not be there to answer.  It was those precious, honest moments that kept her in love with him…and in a way, nourished her love.  True, it had been years since they'd last seen each other face to face, but time and distance had no bearing on them.  

True love.  At least she thought that is what they had.   That is what she made herself believe.  Otherwise, what was all this for?  What had all the sacrifices, lonely nights, and years apart been for if, in the end, they weren't going to be together?  Just as Scout had forced himself to believe the things he did in order to get over her, Bella had forced herself to believe in true love in order to keep herself from coming undone.

She couldn't let him slip away now.   His reaction to her divulgence only renewed her faith in their love.  If he wasn't in love with her, then why was he so angry?  If he was really over her, then why didn't he just come out and say it? But no, he never said a word.  He never said anything about _not loving her.  And that…that in itself was enough to give her hope. __That was enough to make her do what she was going to do right now.  _

This time, it _was going to end differently, because this time, she wasn't going to let him go.  _

It was six AM and he was sure to be asleep, but she couldn't let this wait any longer.  She'd done enough of that in her life.

Bella rapped lightly on his door, a sudden burst of determination running through her veins.  Just as she was about to knock again, the door opened, and a ragged, tired Scout standing before her.  His bed was untouched, his tuxedo shirt unbuttoned, his undone bowtie hanging from the collar. 

They stood there for a minute, just staring at each other…as if seeing one another for the first time.  

In a way, maybe they were.  

No more lies, no more excuses, no more reasons.  There was no need for them.

Bella didn't wait for Scout to invite her in, rather, she barged into the room, and crossed to the other side, waiting for him to shut the door before letting it all out. 

She still faced the other way, bracing herself for what she was about to do. 

Bella didn't even give Scout the chance to speak, hearing his footsteps behind her, she spun to face him, the same lackluster, tattered look cast over him.  "So tell me, Scout, what is this? Why did you walk out on me tonight? I mean, I know what I said must have been a shock…that you had every right to react the way you did.  But, I've never known you to be the one to walk away so easily especially from _this…from me.  So I wanna know…why Scout?  Come on, give me a reason," she declared, her bluntness catching him off-guard.   "I get that much, don't I?"_

It had been another sleepless night for him too, the last few hours spent trying to find the answers to the many questions he had swirling in his head.  However, he knew the only way to find the answers was to deal with the truths in his heart that for so long, he had tried so hard to deny. 

"What did you expect me to do?" he asked, his voice loud and shrill.  "Welcome you back with open arms, as if _nothing had happened?  Give me a break, Bella! How can you say you love me?  You don't even know me anymore!  How can you love something…someone…you don't know! You and I are different people now.   Everything is different than how it used to be."_

In reality, things weren't all that different because if there was one thing Scout was not saying, it was this:  he still loved her…he still loved her—powerfully and painfully, with everything in his heart.  That is why he walked out on her.  Because he loved her.  He didn't want to admit it then, but he couldn't deny it now. 

"I haven't changed," she said finally, her voice rising, the passion within coming through in her words. "I have always loved you.  From the moment I met you, I have loved you.  Whether you believe it or not, that is why I let you go!  I wanted you to have everything that I couldn't give you.  But the problem is, you don't have anything you wanted!  And neither do I."  She closed in on him, figure outlined in the dark against the faint light pouring through the white curtains.  "I've always loved you, no matter who else came along," Bella finished, closing in on him.  "Believe that…because I _do, Scout.  With all my heart."_

He believed her.  Completely.  And after these long hours of soul-searching, he understood her reasons, he knew that she did it because she only wanted his happiness.  She loved him and he loved her. 

He wanted that to be enough. 

But he was afraid. Afraid that she would hurt him like she did before.  His heart couldn't take much more of this…especially from her.  From the day they met, she held the key, the key to everything that was Scout Calhoun.  He wasn't just scared of being hurt, but of hurting her…of not being able to love her the way he used to, of not being able to love the Bella she had become.  He was not the only one who had changed…she had too.  

So that is why he was doing this…saying this… that things were different.  That _everything was different.  Because he didn't want to take the chance.   He wanted to the hurting to stop right now; he was going to stop it this time—before it started again._

He walked to meet her, ready to tell her that it was over, that he couldn't do this.  Ready to tell her that he didn't have enough left in him to do this with her again; not enough left to reclaim what little they had left

Scout opened his mouth to speak, but then…it happened.  

He looked at Bella and instead of seeing the face of someone he didn't know, he saw HER.  He saw the Bella he had fallen in love with all those years ago…full of spirit and life, determination and fire.  _His Bella.  She had come back…and he wanted her to stay.  With him…forever._

And suddenly, all the reasons he had conjured up _not to be with her weren't reasons at all.   And suddenly, he wasn't scared anymore.  And suddenly, all the questions in his head were answered.  _

The answer was right in front of him.  

Truth.

Understanding.

Love.

He saw before him the precious second chance Will spoke of in his speech that night.  'We should never hesitate or delay,' Will had said.  And as Scout looked at Bella—this woman who would always be the one true love of his life—he knew that Will couldn't have been more right.  

Scout felt the blood pumping through his veins, his heart thudding in his chest.  He felt a sudden flutter in his stomach, an unexpected nervousness he hadn't felt since the first time they kissed almost a decade ago.  And in all that time, things still hadn't changed.  They loved each other.  A sort of mad, crazy love that only few were so lucky to find.   Powerfully, painfully, unconditionally.

As the space between them minimized, Bella looked him straight in the eyes and said softly, "I'm not asking you for the world and I'm not asking you for instant forgiveness, but I'm just asking you to _try_, Scout.  We can make this work.   I know we can.  I love you.  Please, just say you can try."

Bella blinked back the tears, swallowing the lump in her throat, her body tensed with anticipation.  She looked around the room, biting down on her lip, eyes moving, searching…looking at everything but him.  She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist—_his_ bracelet—the one he had given her for her sixteenth birthday, the one she wore every day even if it was just for a few minutes before she went to bed; the one that for her had been a constant reminder that she would never—and always—be his.   

Outside, she heard the faint sound of a siren, the wheels of a passing car rolling over the water-sprinkled street.  She made a memory of that moment…the sounds, the smell of Scout's cologne lingering in the air, the chill of the summer wind coming in through the window.  

As they drew closer, into an almost ethereal embrace, she could feel the rise and fall of his chest against hers—he was that close.  "You don't have to ask," Scout said finally, almost in a whisper, earnestness and sincerity spilling through.  

Unable to hold back any longer, Bella broke down in tears, those five words meaning more to her than he would ever know.  He was crying too, teardrops falling on his cheeks, but simultaneously an enormous smile spread over his face.  He gently placed his hands on the side of her face, looked deep into her teary eyes, and repeated, "You never had to ask...."

That was all she needed to hear. 

Smiling through the tears, Bella brought her lips to his, kissing him sweetly and tenderly, with no intention of stopping anytime soon.


	17. Part 20

Part 20

It was past one in the morning when Bella and Scout returned to the apartment, having spent the entire day out in the city, taking in the sites, exploring their rekindled "love", reveling in the feeling of having found each other once again.  As they burst through the apartment doors, they called for Will, who they were sure by now had figured out what had transpired between the two of them and who they were so anxious to thank, for if it were not for him there to give them both some clarity about the situation, the reconciliation may have never come about.  He was their 'Guardian Angel' they had decided, for through it all, he had remained a loyal and true friend, ready and willing to guide them through their misguided and complicated lives, and finally, back to one another.  As Bella hop-skipped through the living room and for the bedroom door, she continued to call Will's name, in a voice that clearly elucidated her ecstatic and gleeful state.  

She walked to the door, tapping slightly on it, though she knew it wasn't necessary.  When he didn't respond, she twisted the knob, opening it slowly, and was instantly puzzled by what she saw.  

He wasn't there.  

The blinds were down, the bed made up perfectly, the bedside table cleared of the books she remembered him placing down there, the suitcase—his suitcase—nowhere to be seen.  She stepped in further, calling his name in almost a whisper, as if he was hiding in the cracks somewhere…maybe behind the door…but there was no answer.  

"Will?" she called out, sounding more alarmed this time.  She glanced at the bed, the bleach white sheets starkly contrasting against the dark blue walls and the even bluer carpet.  And there, lying on top of the pillow was a photograph—a postcard to be precise.  It was of a place Bella had never traveled to before, but had heard Will talk about endlessly ever since he had spent a semester abroad there, and for all his talk, it seemed to be the only place he loved as much or maybe even more than New York City; it was a place where he felt like he…belonged.  

She flipped the card to the backside and scribed in a handwriting that read Will Krudski all over it was the answer she sought. 

It just was not the one she bargained for.

Her jaw dropped slowly as she sat down on the bed, her eyes intent on what she held in her hand.  Her stare did not stray from the words before her, not even when Scout came in the room, he too, puzzled at the emptiness of it, and the site of her just sitting there, motionless.

"Bella, what is it?" he asked, curious and fretful, kneeling down before her so that they were at eye level.  She looked up at last, as if awoken from a numbing sleep, extending her hand forward, giving him what she held in it.  Scout took it in his hand, sat beside her, and began to read.   It didn't take him long to complete it and when he did, he looked at her knowing…well, knowing what they both did.  He wrapped his arm around her and cradled her against his body, still holding the postcard in his hand.  They stayed there for a while, just like that, their silence deafening, each coping with this knowledge separately, but together at the same time.  

At long last, Bella broke the hush by saying faintly, a small, but sure smile playing on her lips, "I hope he finds what he's looking for."

"Me too," he replied, smiling too, as he pulled her closer and gently pressed his lips to her forehead.  "Me too, baby. "

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Jake and Hamilton lounged on their beach chairs, the white sand at their feet, the clean, clear blue waves crashing onto the Indonesian shore.  Jake laughed when she glanced at Hamilton, sleeping peacefully under the afternoon sun, already tanned though they had only been out an hour.  She reached over, moving a strand of hair that had fallen over his eyes, lids fluttering as he dreamed.  

This was one dream she never wanted them to wake up from.  

She turned back to what she had been doing before—reading.  And it was not just some odd, obtuse romance novel she picked up at the airport, but a masterpiece, or at least, it soon would be—Will's screenplay.  Jake had skimmed it before, just before the wedding, and even in that hasty perusal, she was touched…touched like no other piece of work had ever touched her before and she knew…she knew that meant this was something truly brilliant  Now, she was nearly at the end, and the emotions that she had felt upon reading it the first time had manifested themselves ten-fold, being moved to tears at _too many points in the story.  And she never cried—better put, rarely.  But it wasn't just because Will's script was so deftly written, but because it was so __real.  It was __their lives.  Put beautifully, more beautifully than perhaps he should have made it.  Nonetheless, it brought her to tears.  The ability to do that was a gift and he had it.   _

He'd always had it—even back in his first days at Rawley. 

When she read the final scene, Jake was beaming, though the traces of teardrops were still apparent on her face.  She flipped to the next page and there, attached to the back cover, was a folded piece of paper, with _Jake written in the same handwriting as the note Bella had received.  She removed it and opened it and read these words:_

_Just when you thought Will Krudski had said all he needed to say, you find it's not nearly everything at all.  If you're reading this, then I guess its all been said and done; the day you've been waiting for your whole life has come and gone, yet a new life has just begun for you.  And you're finally exactly where you were always meant to be—with Hamilton._

Life is weird…it turns out just the way you never meant it to be.  Well, for most of us that is.  How complicated it becomes along the way, the twists and turns, the ups and downs…all of it permanently embedded in your memory to remind you of what you have, or more importantly, what you don't have.  Sometimes I wonder if what I know as reality is really that or just a creation of my mind.   That what I see and what I feel isn't what really is…that it's just…illusion.  That sounds crazy doesn't it?  It is and so am I—crazy for falling in love with someone I could never have and even crazier for letting myself believe that one day that love would be reciprocated.  I knew that all along yet it never stopped me from being crazy in love…crazy in love with you, Jake.

I have to admit, there were mornings when I didn't want to get up.  When it was just too hard to walk out of my bedroom and see you there, sitting on the couch, still in PJs, a cup of coffee in your hands, the morning paper laid out on the coffee table in front of you.  Some days I would wake up and just dread to see you that way…to see you…and see all the things I'd always wanted in love but never thought I'd find.  And I hated myself for feeling that way.  For making it so hard; for wishing that you weren't living in my house, that you weren't my friend, that I'd never cared for you, that I'd never met you…that you never existed.   But then you would smile and laugh at me for just standing there—hair ruffled, eyes half closed—staring at you.  All the time you never knew why.  But your smile—that smile—was enough.   Enough to remind me that if all those things were true it would mean losing meaning to everything that ever had value in my life.  Enough to make me realize that even though you would never be for me what I wanted you to be, what we did have…WAS enough.  And that is Real.  And True.  Just the way things should be.

I still wake up wishing that things were different.  But I always knew things would be this way, no matter how much I tried to pretend and kid myself that I would eventually get what I wanted.  I'll be okay…I promise you I will.  So you don't have to worry about me.  I can be strong…like you.  After all, time heals—I hope. Or maybe it just changes your sense of reality, dims things for you, retraces and rewrites memories so that they are a little easier to look back on.   

Either way, I take comfort in that thought and that in my own time, I will learn to live without you.   Above all, that is what I need you to remember about me, Jake.  

You know, despite everything, I still believe in love.  I have to because it's the only way to justify what I feel and what I will do from here.  Believing in love is a constant battle with yourself because love isn't the way it is in the movies or in songs or in books--if it was, we wouldn't be going through what we are going through now.  I would have you and to even wish that is wrong.  Incredibly wrong.  True love doesn't wish for wrong—only for what is right.  

But this isn't fiction.  This is life.  My life.  And while it is a distinct possibly that I will find love again, there's also a great chance that I might not.  And that's okay.  I can live with that.  

What can I say?  The life of a philosopher-poet is a pretty solitary gig.  My mentor taught me that…

So this it.  And this is goodbye.  I think you always knew deep down things would end up this way too.  We were both just too afraid to admit it.  I think we both know this is the only way things can be. You with him and me…anywhere but here.  You understand, I know you do or will at least.  That's what I love about you—you always understood me, when no one else did, and when no one else wanted to.  The way you always saw the good in me and gave me good back…and never any less.  

Thank you, Jake.    

Thank you for being you.  

He didn't sign it.  It just ended that way, the power of his words reverberating in her heart.  She couldn't help herself—she gasped a sob so loud and so deep it caught her off guard and for a moment, she was silently thankful that Hamilton was sound asleep.  She heard Will's voice in her head as she read those words, causing the tears to fall more and more as the seconds passed, yet her body was still, almost unable to react to what she had just read.  She looked to the bottom of the page and at the edge of the page was a design, simple yet familiar.  It was a picture of a bridge and a familiar clock tower in the distance and a flowing river of a place she long knew that he belonged—alongside all the other great writers.  It was a picture of London.  
    
    Beneath the picture, Will had written these words:
    
    _ This is our last goodbye_
    
    _I hate to feel the love between us die_
    
    _But it's over_
    
    _Just hear this and then I'll go:_
    
    _you gave me more to live for,_
    
    _more than you'll ever know._

Quickly she remembered they were lyrics and when she did, she reached into her bag and searched through her CD collection.  As fate would have it, it was at the first CD she pulled from the bunch.  She shook her head and smiled at this coincidence, and putting her headphones on, she let the sound of music fill her ears.  As the tears trickled down her face, the lyrics capturing every emotion she was feeling, memories of Will ran through her mind.  As she recalled all of their happy times together, she was overpowered by the memories for in a way, she was seeing her whole life flash before her—a life which Will had been such a big part of.   And a life she could not imagine without him in it.  

As the song continued to play, Jake brushed off her wet cheeks and smiled involuntarily.  She looked over to Hamilton, still sleeping soundly, and gently touched his arm, smiling through the tears.  Taking a deep breath, she glanced up to the sky, the bright rays of the sun reflected in her eyes.    

Already on the other side of the world, Will looked out of the plane window at the same sky, but this one was just becoming day, for it was just before sunrise on that side of the Atlantic.  And as the light of day slowly filled his eyes, he could not help but think of her and smile, and not for anyone else this time, but for himself.  Because for Will Krudski, this wasn't just the start of another day, it was the beginning of a whole new world…
    
    _This is our last embrace_
    
    _Must I dream and always see your face_
    
    _Why can't we overcome this wall_
    
    _Baby, maybe it is just because I didn't know you at all._
    
    _Kiss me, please, kiss me_
    
    _But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation_
    
    _You know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time_
    
    _I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye_
    
    _Did you say __"__No, this can't happen to me,"_
    
    _and did you rush to your phone to call?_
    
    _Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,_
    
    _"Maybe...you didn't know him at all."_
    
    _Well, the bells out in the church tower chime_
    
    _Burning clues into this heart of mine_
    
    _Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memory_
    
    _Of her sighs that, "It's over...it's over..."_

**[The End]**


End file.
